#in our conversations it doesn't imply what other people seem to think it implies and im curious about if there's an actual difference there

[jacelys]

I'm genuinely just curious. I feel like me and my friends talk a lot about "media" or "consuming media", but generally on the level that we regularly read/watch things from a lot of different mediums- books, movies, comics, games- and "media" feels like a useful catchall term to include anything we might be interested in/referring to at the moment, and "consuming" as also an easy general term instead of having to use or combine multiple words like read/watch/play.

I've never felt like this was strange or had a meaning for the pieces of art we were talking about, just that it was practical and we all understood what we meant by it- in my mind "media" and "fiction" are more or less equivalent, although "media" might have more emphasis on referring to multiple different mediums at once. Do other people see/use the word differently, or is there an implication I'm not getting? Also, are there other words you would suggest we use? I understand the implications of "consume", but I feel like I can't think of an alternate single verb that can cover any/all mediums in the same way.

really i think step one of really digging your teeth and nails into a work of fiction is to surgically excise the buzzwords "media" and "consuming media" and possibly even "entertainment" from your brain and instead try grafting in the terms "fiction" and "engaging with art". step two is to have fun and be yourself!

[yesimwriting]

Normalcy

A/n deadpool and wolverine drabble bc the movie was a little too good

Summary: Still reeling from the loss of your powers, you struggle to hold it together inside the TVA's void. Thankfully, you find an uncharacteristically peaceful distraction in your old friend Deadpool and in the wolverine variant who wants nothing to do with you.

Warnings/info: reader is a (former) avenger (bc i love the avengers <3), reader is described as having similar powers to wanda and having trained with her (bc i love wanda), implied beginning of an accidental love triangle if you squint ig, maybe too much lore for a drabble (?), me writing for characters for the first time so be nice 😭

----

The lines etched into your palms do not bend and twist to spell out secrets, there are no messages worth decoding pressed into your skin. Knowing this is not enough to stop you from staring at your hands like if you could just think about it hard enough...

"There you are, Peanut." The words are so warm you're briefly pulled out of your internal angst. You straighten, head lifting slightly and arms crossing in front of your chest. "Thought I lost you."

Wade continues forward until he's directly in front of you. He pauses, watching you with an unabashed openness that you'd only ever allow him to get away with. "Kidding," he tries, "I'd never lose you."

The familiarity of the casual affection eases you further, the corner of your mouth tugging itself upwards. "I was like 15 feet away from you."

"Sorry for caring." It's his go to comeback when it comes to defending the displays of affection you have the audacity to find overdramatic.

You blink, lips parting despite your lack of response. The world has felt a little slower these last few days, moving at a pace that leaves you with no choice but to reflect. Maybe it's the void.

"Hey," his voice feels a little flatter without his usual humor, "Are you okay?"

You let out a breath, shocked by this new low. Sure, you've known Wade for awhile and you've both seen each other through plenty of stages, but he's never felt the need to attempt a genuine pep talk for you. He's never struck you as the pep talk sort...for anyone. Do you really seem that off?

It's bad enough that your identity crisis has stolen the abilities that would have helped your trio pop out of the void with no real fanfare, you can't also make your insecurities everyone else's problem. "Yeah." The response doesn't feel convincing, but with Wade wearing the Deadpool mask, it's hard to be sure. "Just y'know...we're in a void and our reality might be ripped apart, so I've been better."

He's still watching you with a level of focus that's unnerving. You've gotten used to his familiarity, his lack of care for personal space or the social rules around watching people. "You're doing it again."

"Seducing you with my ability to have a heart to heart while looking this good in my suit?"

You sigh in an attempt to dismiss your slight smile. Happy or sad, superhero that once fought Thanos or regular person that can't regulate their emotions, Wade always treats you the same. "The staring thing. You said you'd stop."

"No, you said I'd stop." The correction is a return to what you're used to. He takes a step towards you, his proximity now forcing you to tilt your chin up slightly to look him in the eye. "I'd never promise to look at you less."

"Comforting."

He angles his chin downwards, making the limited distance feel more significant. "I thought so." For a moment, he's quiet in a way that doesn't feel very him. "Are you sure you're...good?" His hesitance is another reminder that this is far out of his element. "I know this is your first..." Wade's rarely careful, only ever treading lightly on the one subject you never want to bring. "Outing, since..."

"I lost my powers."

Wade goes quiet again. If this conversation is as inevitable as it seems, a part of you wishes it could have come up elsewhere. Maybe in your shared apartment, definitely without the mask so you could better interpret his reactions. It's not often you keep secrets from him, but the hollowness you feel knowing the part of yourself you've lost isn't something you can just share.

It's more than just about missing your party tricks, it's about losing a part of yourself. They were all that was left of your time with the Avengers, of what Wanda taught you before Westview.

He lets out a breath. "They're not lost." You raise your eyebrows slightly, giving him a look meant to caution him against sympathetic optimism. "We don't know that."

He seems so happy to be able to tell you that there's no proof that any and all magical abilities have been flushed out of your system, you don't have it in you to remind him that that's mainly because you have no one to ask. What's left of the Avengers and your government connections either barely understand what you were or are untrustworthy.

"Educated wish?"

His mask muffles a slight gasp. You press your lips together in an attempt to resist smiling. "The last one worked out great."

Your eyebrows pull together skeptically, a reminder that the two of you are still technically in the middle of the last educated wish he attempted to speak into existence. "Didn't Wolverine stab you multiple times--"

He cuts you off with a heavy sigh. "If I took getting stabbed personally, do you know where we'd be?"

In a reality where Wade holds grudges over those kinds of things, you wouldn't be anything to each other, except maybe enemies. You've never pulled a knife or sword or anything sharp on him, but when you first met he did startle you before you had a total grip on your abilities, which resulted in him getting thrown through a wall.

"I never stabbed you."

His hand finds your shoulder. You let him drag his thumb against against the fabric of your suit. "And that's how I know you really love me, Peanut."

You roll your eyes in an attempt to dislodge the warmth that settles in the pit of your stomach. The last thing Wade needs is encouragement. "I mean, I do go around stabbing everyone I like less than you."

He lets out a sound that feels like a scoff attempting to mask itself as a dry laugh. "There's the sense of humor that'd hurt me if I knew you less."

"Well--"

He squeezes your shoulder, "I know you." Okay. You'll let him have this one because maybe there's some truth to what he's saying. "I'm going to go check on the car, because a fucking Honda Odyssey would break down on us for no reason before we got to the fight."

"For no reason or because of the bitch fight you and Wolverine had in it?"

There's a beat of silence in which all you can do is try to imagine Wade's expression behind the mask. You'd like to think that he's smiling. "Oh, Pumpkin." He sighs as if you've stumbled onto saying something terribly naive. "It wasn't a bitch fight, it was awesome, and probably turned you on."

You deadpan a flat, "You caught me." He hasn't let go of your shoulder, and a part of you is oddly glad for it. "I'd offer you help with the car, but..."

You're self aware enough to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, car maintenance being the latter. Wade doesn't even let you get your oil changed by yourself anymore.

"I've met you." He squeezes your shoulder again, the gesture weirdly stabilizing. "Give me 15 minutes to actually look at the car and then I'm all yours."

Wade lets go of you, his arm falling to his side. "Aren't you always?"

He lets out an exaggerated gasp. "You're making me feel cheaper than my usual rate, Peanut."

You smile as he turns away. Things are always a little easier with Wade. It's more than just distraction, it's his way of making things feel a little lighter. You're not sure what to do with your 15 minutes of solitude to avoid falling back into self pity.

You originally broke away from the group of void trapped heroes under the premise of needing fresh air, but even here, with the expansive, sparsely wooded area at your disposal, the oxygen in your lungs still feels flat. If Wanda were around, you'd be able to ask if she felt the strangeness of this other plane of existence as well. At least then you'd know if your dislike of the void is only mental or an actual sign of life from your abilities.

You begin to walk forward, hoping to shed all thoughts of both your former self and the eeriness of this other world. There are other people you could talk to you. The others have been polite enough, or at the very least, passionate enough to be talked into facing Cassandra.

The trees you've been wandering through grow in their sparsity, the edge of the woods revealing a patch of grassland highlighted by a fire's warm glow. You squint past the tree line, attempting to make out the figure sitting in front of the flames. Wolverine.

Secluded from the group and staring at a campfire. Surprising. Though, you guess it's not fair to judge him too harshly, you left the group to brood as well.

He doesn't like you, doesn't know you well enough to dislike you, but it took him no time to find a way to get around that. Maybe it's your proximity to Wade. You've done your best to take his hostility as un-personally as possible. You've seen enough people you really care about go through the guilt ridden, fallen hero thing to know how deep that kind of hurt runs.

You've never known a Wolverine or Logan Howlett variant, so you have no way of knowing what he was like before. Sure, you've heard stories, but you're also overly aware of how the media can twist and turn those stories to fit their narrative. One day, a superhero is the world's greatest protector, and the next their the greatest menace. Maybe he was always a little dark, or maybe he wasn't.

"Don't just stand there." The gruffness of his voice startles you more than it should.

Heat crawls up your neck, a part of you more embarrassed than you should be. You weren't lurking, or at the very least, you weren't trying to.

You sigh as you abandon the safety of the tree line. "Sorry." He turns his head away from the fire. "I wasn't--I was just walking."

He's quiet for such a long moment you almost expect him to not respond at all. "Without your shadow?"

Wow, only a halfhearted dig at Wade. You must have caught him in a good mood. "Friend, and he's looking at the car. I'd be looking at the car with him, but I figured the odds for tomorrow are bad enough as is."

Another uneasy stretch of silence. "Yeah." There's not much, if anything, to take from the comment. "If you're here to convince me to go with you guys tomorrow--"

"I'm not." It's an honest answer. You had been walking around aimlessly and happened to stumble onto him. "I'm not into the pep talk thing." He scoffs, the sound lacking in genuine aggression. "What?"

He lifts his gaze from the fire, his eyes settling on some point past the horizon. "I thought you were an Avenger."

You're not sure what bugs you more, the fact that he's so sure he has you all figured out or the implication that the Avengers spend their days encouraging each other instead of actually doing things. What the Avengers are--or maybe were--is so much more than that.

You step forward, further separating you from the cluster of trees. "The Avengers are about a lot more than that."

His attention briefly shifts onto you before returning to the flames. If the silence is meant to be dismissive, it doesn't feel that way. There's a patience there that doesn't suit his usual brooding.

"Do you care if I sit?" The question is forced out before you can overthink it. "I promise no inspirational speeches or small talk."

After a beat, he dips his chin downwards in a nod so subtle you would have missed it if you had been watching him any less carefully. You're more relieved by his acceptance than you should be, your feet carrying you towards the campfire.

You sit at a polite distance, knees bent in front of you. His silence seems to push against the void's sluggishness. Maybe the issue has been you fighting this world's momentum.

"Why are you with him?" You're not sure if you're more shocked by the question or the break in silence. When all you can do is blink, he continues, "You seem--" He subtly clears his throat, as if struggling to admit this next part, "Nice, normal."

Oh. If you had been focused, you likely would have got what he meant without the clarification. "I know Wade's a lot--especially to you." You place a hand against your knee, thinking about that very specific safety you only feel with Wade. You don't have to try at being anything, or worry about earning your keep in any capacity. "But once you get to know him, he's a good friend."

You look away from the fire pit in time to see the skeptical look Logan throws in your direction. "I'm serious." His expression doesn't change. "He um--after I stopped being important to everyone else, he still liked me ." This isn't the conversation you wanted to stumble onto, especially not with someone who you barely know and actively dislikes you. "That sounds kind of dumb, but the point is, he's loyal."

He turns his head back towards the fire. "You always call him by his name." The observation is so stiff you'd consider it hesitant if it came from anyone else.

You've never thought much about Wade's name. Part of it is familiarity, and the rest of it is a force of habit. Even when you were with the Avengers, you preferred using actual names when off duty. It's easier to separate the mask from the person beneath it when you make an active effort to.

You shrug. "I'm not into off duty superhero names, Wolverine."

He falls silent again. You concentrate on the flames, the way they illuminate the world around you. "You can--" He cuts himself off, attention never wavering from the fire. "You can call me Logan, if you want."

An unsteady warmth roots itself in your chest. You didn't expect any sort of kinship between you and the wolverine Wade stole from some other timeline beyond him occasionally accepting your attempts at creating peace between him and Wade.

"Okay," you focus on keeping your tone measured, avoiding any emotions that might startle him, "Logan."

There's no tension in the quiet that follows. You let the minutes pass until you're certain that Wade's waiting for an interruption disguised as an attempt to help. "I should go, Wade's probably waiting for me."

You push yourself to stand. You let yourself glance at him one last time before turning towards the trees you emerged from.

[zaahvi]

a little breakdown of the new mural:

the context: this is part of a quest named "regrets of the dread wolf" in which rook uses a wolf statuette to "restore" this damaged mural in the lighthouse. it's referred to as a "regret" and seems to echo a memory linked to the events shown in the mural

"[Solas'] history, along with the history of the other elven gods, is baked into the Lighthouse, and you learn more and more about the threat you face as you unlock Solas' murals with various wolf statues. You even get to see some of his memories firsthand." [source with timestamp]

first, the imagery:

these "star" symbols are the same as on the "death of a titan" mural from trespasser, and even have similar halos. there are three visible in the circle here, which itself is cracked and there's a beam of light coming from above, sort of mirroring the titan mural:

it's interesting that the beam of light is coming from above, and is hitting the circle at the bottom, illuminating the outline; it seems like the light itself is what "cracked" the circle? there's also light shining from above, and elgar'nan is looking up at it, so... maybe it's the sun? the halos around the hands are also reminiscent of the left figure on the titan mural.

for triangle symbolism enjoyers... there are triangles around the light beam a little further up 👀

this is also our first look at mythal <3 she had dark hair and her headpiece is silver like flemeth's, a nice contrast to the golden crown elgar'nan has! they're like the sun and moon...

elgar'nan appears to have silver hair here, much lighter than the dark greyish he seems to have in-game. i'm thinking that either the blight darkened it, solas painted it differently, OR that the lighting that we've seen him in so far just hasn't shown off the colour properly. on his robes there is a sun pattern on his shoulder :) the bottom of the robes seem greenish and has patterns similar to the lyrium veins(?) on the titan mural above, and now that i look at them side by side... he kinda looks like the figure on the left, doesn't he?

solas with hair real!!! and he has his signature wolf pelt :) he's standing among some kneeling elves, and, notably, none of them have vallaslin.

these leafless trees - usually used as symbols of mythal - are almost framing the piece. the blue coming from the cracked circle is also interesting: solas rarely uses blue apart from his murals inside skyhold, so maybe it means something? it could be lyrium, or the titans' power?

the story:

remembering the context: this is one of solas' old memories, and a "regret" of his. looking at the imagery and pairing it with the dialogue seen, the events portrayed become clear:

Elgar'nan: They need strength. Mythal: And wisdom. Elgar'nan: They need gods who can protect them. Solas: We are not gods. You will learn that.

this is the evanuris first declaring themselves gods, seemingly after whatever war the elves fought; possibly with the titans, judging by the hints in these murals.

elgar'nan and mythal came first, which lines up with the dalish legends. i'm very curious if they were actually a couple or if they were just paired together in legends because they were the first gods (like how falon'din and dirthamen were paired as twin brothers in dalish tales but had no familial connection in elvhen lore). and from what they say... using "they" to refer to the elves rather than "you", implies this was a private conversation, which leads me to believe that they did originally intend to protect the elves. for instance, if they'd said "you need gods who can protect you", that's a whole other story which could be clearly interpreted as installing themselves as rulers in order to gain power and oppress the people. but this? the elves need strength, and wisdom, and protection? it's our first real clue that the evanuris were not always tyrannical, and that is just so interesting! i am very excited to see the story of how they became corrupted 👀

solas has an interesting line here also. using "we" instead of "you"... there's a popular theory that solas was a spirit of wisdom who was asked by mythal to join her, as implied by these lines from cole:

"He did not want a body. But she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face." "Bare-faced but free, frolicking fighting, fierce. He wants to give wisdom, not orders."

so maybe solas was a general alongside the evanuris, and was clearly opposed to becoming a "god" like the rest of them. i find it interesting he doesn't have vallaslin on the mural here. the cole lines implied he had mythal's vallaslin, and i would've assumed he "burned it off" when he started his rebellion. the only thing i can think of is that the vallaslin may have originally acted as a spirit binding (like binding a spirit to a body) but if it could be removed then... idk.

finally, circling back that this is referred to as a "regret"... i suppose this is his regret of not having stopped them before everything that followed. and with regret mentioned as being one of the key themes of the game... aghh this is gonna be so good

[jellybuttons]

Crowley's "oh" moment wasn't him realizing that he's in love

Okay so we've all talked about the scene where Nina asks Crowley if Aziraphale is his "bit on the side" or whatever and Crowley has that visable fanfiction "oh" moment on his face afterwards. And I know a lot of people think it must have been Crowley realizing that he was in love with Aziraphale, but that's never sat right with me. Crowley is emotionally repressed and oblivious, sure, but he's been down bad for that angel since the beginning. I just can't believe he didn't know it the whole time. That can't have been what he was reacting to. Hell, just the nervous swallow he does at the beginning of that conversation implies that he knows exactly what Nina is about to ask him, meaning he at least already has that idea in his head.

I think what he was reacting to was Nina's last comment, "other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own" (I'm quoting from memory but I got the gist of it).

Crowley has been in love for a long time by this point. He's also, for that entire time, understood that nothing can be done about it. Up until Armageddon failed, there was no universe where Crowley and Aziraphale could safely be together, and Crowley cares too much about Aziraphale to truly risk his safety (although he does have his selfish moments--that need to know that Aziraphale cares for him too, that he's not completely alone in this partnership). Nothing could change, so there was no point in doing anything about it.

In the few years post Armageddon, though, it seems like QUITE a bit has changed for the two of them. Remember, these are two immortal beings...a few years is milliseconds to them. But in those milliseconds, it seems like Crowley has become a regular establishment in the bookshop, glasses off and all. Aziraphale felt comfortable enough with him to ask to borrow the Bentley, Crowley's prized possession and his literal home. They've gotten COMFY in a very short amount of time, objectively, and I'm sure it felt like big change to Crowley, who knows better than to ask for things he doesn't think he can have.

But Nina's comment. "Other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own". A direct parallel to exactly how Crowley has been thinking about her and Maggie this whole time--two people who just need a push (romantic awning, anyone?) and everything else would fall into place. Easy. Uncomplicated.

Crowley's "oh" moment isn't that he's in love with Aziraphale. It's that maybe being in love with Aziraphale doesn't have to be complicated.

Other people's love lives DO seem more straightforward than Crowley's own. But if Nina feels that way about him, as sure as he is about her and Maggie...could it be that easy? Could he have that with his angel? I don't think at this point that Crowley has any doubt about whether or not Aziraphale feels something for him (whatever that something may be in Crowley's mind), but after all...Aziraphale asked him to slow down. So he's been taking it slow. Hanging around more. Leaning into his space. Soaking up every second of Az's smiles like a dying man, content with whatever he's given.

But Nina. She thinks they're together already. No doubt in her mind. She thinks it's so straightforward, that of COURSE they're together, two people who look at each other with that much love in their eyes must be, right? And I think that "oh" is Crowley's realization that maybe it IS straightforward. After all, they're them, right? No more Heaven, no more Hell, no actual reason they couldn't just...be together. In that moment, Crowley isn't realizing that he's in love with Aziraphale. He's known he's in love for a very long time. No, that moment was him realizing that, maybe, he can stop pretending not to be, that maybe all they have to do is stop pretending they aren't everything to each other. Does he need to slow down if there's no danger to avoid?

When Nina and Maggie confront him at the end, encourage him to confess...objectively, I don't think Crowley as a character would agree to anything nearly that vulnerable without a LOT more convincing. But he does agree. And you could argue that it's because of Gabe and Beez, sure, but when has Crowley ever used other angels and demons as reasoning behind his choices? No, consistently, Crowley has followed humans every time. Gabe and Beez are nothing but conveniently timed examples. I think that even without G and B running off together, Nina and Maggie could've convinced him after nothing but this "oh" conversation with Nina.

When Crowley is choking out his confession in the final 15 of episode 6, so desperate to make Aziraphale understand...he says "we're a pair, a group, a group of the two of us, and we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't". That's the point he's trying to get across. They can stop pretending, they can stop pretending, please, god, stay here Aziraphale and don't make him keep pretending.

Please, Aziraphale, he's saying. Don't go back. I only just realized that it doesn't have to be complicated. He realized that, maybe, finally, he was allowed.

Oh, he thought, out there on the sidewalk with Nina, there's nothing left but me stopping me from being happy.

Oh, he thought, while Nina and Maggie urged him to communicate, the couple that so perfectly mirrored his own wants, I could tell him how I feel.

Oh, he thought, as Aziraphale looked at him with excited eyes and explained that he wanted them both to go back to Heaven, that Crowley could become an angel again, that they could go right back to working for the very thing that had been keeping them apart for thousands of years. Oh, oh god. I thought it was over. I thought we were free. I thought that, finally, maybe, it could be easy. Maybe we can stop pretending.

And he kissed him. Because fuck, just like with Nina and Maggie, he thought it could finally be easy, but then communicating didn't work and nothing was easy and all he had left was one fabulous kiss and vavoom and he was desperate and off script and so, so scared and then he was alone in the Bentley, driving away from the bookshop, completely alone.

Maybe Crowley should've kept pretending. It would've hurt less.

[nickrocketrodriguez]

Hello, Nick! Can you share with us some of your favorite scenes into the writing process of Jurassic World: Chaos Theory? Or even some scenes that didn't end up on the show but you liked it?

Gosh, we wrote these so long ago it's so hard to come up with specifics. For the episodes I wrote, I loved writing the scenes in "Halfway Home" between Daniel and Kenji. I have a relationship in my own life that mirrors (to a certain extent) theirs, so to be able to put all of myself into that episode -- my first as a staff writer on a TV series -- was very special for me. It really allowed me to completely open myself up to working with other writers to intimately. I also get a giggle out of the part where Kenji doesn't have the words to describe Daniel's ultimatum, so he just grunts -- I didn't know if it would make anyone else laugh, but it seemed to, so it stayed! That was pretty fun.

"The Drop" was a bit tougher for me, as it was a pretty pivotal moment between Darius and Kenji. In their scene where they struggle over possession of Brooklynn's phone, I really wanted Darius to rear back to take a swing at Kenji, but for some reason, in a show where people are eaten by dinosaurs, throwing punches (or even implying it) was a no-go, but what ended up in there was still really fun and to the spirit of what I was trying to do.

"Batten Down the Hatches" was sooooo much fun to write as a horror and action fan -- I feel like the team really took what I wrote and ran with it in the best possible way! Seeing that one at SDCC with a group of like 800 fans was something I will never forget. People laughed, gasped, shouted at the screen -- it was just such a cool moment for me.

But getting to introduce Soyona Santos was also such a special thing for me. As I've said in the past, getting to write for Dichen Lachman was such a fanboy moment for me, I'm so glad I got to reintroduce her to the world and help usher in a more three dimensional version of the character than there was time for in Dominion. I love the cat-and-mouse vibe of their conversation. There's also the bit that I'm not sure many picked up on where Santos is the one who uses the term, "limb difference" for the first time in the series. Our consultants had taught me that phrase, and I thought it was an interesting choice for Santos to introduce it to Brooklynn. The thinking was somewhere along the lines of, in her quest to get deeper into the trafficking of dinos, she probably didn't have a ton of time to look into how she was really feeling about losing her arm, let alone find anyone else who'd introduce that phrase to her. So when Santos uses it, there's a split second where Brooklynn kinda connects with it. I think it shows that Santos isn't just a mustache-twirly type of villain. She's intelligent, she's hip to how language has evolved, and she might even be a good person in another life. There was a moment where it was called into question whether or not Santos would use the phrase, so I'm especially glad we got to keep it in there.

And don't even get me started on the episodes my amazing colleagues wrote for the rest of the series. They all did such an incredible job, I don't even have enough words to express how awesome their episodes turned out, not to mention how awesome all of the rest of the crew did in bringing the show to life!!

[girlsoutlate]

this is my new account, so i'm reposting my 1 piece of work, hope you enjoy!!

readers thoughts are in pink, ever so light implied john price x reader, light questionable behaviour from men (not 141)

thinking about subtle sarcastic reader, especially to the type of man she'd encounter while working in the army. being a civilian and a woman many on base just looked over her, or looked too intensely at certain parts of her. but after months of working she's found her place, she's now respected by those who surround her. but what happens when some higher ups come and visit?

working closely with the 141 was no easy task. going from mundane paperwork to the flurry of action from a mission was difficult for you to handle, let alone helping them. you'd grown closer to them though, no more bouts of shyness stopping you from being yourself. instead you'd grown in to steady workplace banter with all.

unfortunately today couldn't be one of those days as some ever so important higher ups were holding a meeting with the 141, and since you handle the majority of the paperwork you were so graciously invited to attend.

you wished you had a little bit more time to prepare for this. these were important people, who wouldn't be nervous? apart from soap who appeared with a shit-eating grin at your office door, gifting you another surprise meeting. or gaz who could charm any conversation his way a bit too easily, with suave compliments and easy-going humour. don't forget ghost who doesn't even need to look engaged because of his mask, or be expected to speak due to his... unique personality. oh and the captain has been to countless of these meetings, so he can't empathise with you either.

but, one thing you could all agree on is that meetings were incredibly boring. for two reasons mostly. either the attendees were so dense it seemed they hadn't stepped on planet earth before, let alone a military base. or the subject matter was so bland you all wondered why there needed to be a meeting in the first place.

as your heels tapped hastily along the hallway you wondered which it would be. arriving barely on time with a tight clutch on haphazardly organised documents and a cup of coffee you opened the door, and had an inkling it wouldn't be any. you were met with two male voices. one high, clipped and plummy, the other harsh and american.

"-- that's what i expected from someone of her-oh hello! nice to finally meet you" the man at the head of the table said. an older, short and stout man with thin wire-rimmed glasses and a black tailored suit. a typical english man in an authoritative position. "ah, sorry i was late you'll have to excuse me. i thought to bring my extra notes, i hope i didn't make you wait long." you replied. "not at all, my colleague mr sullivan and i were discussing stories from our base". your gaze flicked over to what must be the source of the american voice. perfectly gold hair stuck down with copious amounts of gel, paired with lightly tanned skin and a too white smile didn't make it hard to guess. "civilians eh?" the taller man began "don't know what's up with the ones here, especially the woman we were just talki-"

"right" prices deep gravely voice cut over the grating one "meeting should start we're all 'ere". murmurs of agreement filled the room, and so did glances between the 141 that you didn't pick upon. however you did notice they were unusually quiet though you brushed it off, they were probably tired. "gosh where are my manners" the man at the head of the table exclaimed "my name is mr buckton and i'll be leading this meeting." briskly taking a few steps towards you he shook your hand roughly. being polite you attempted to make eye contact, yet his eyes were still looking straight ahead? lingering only on your chest for a moment he then made eye contact with you, a wide grin crept on his face. "come, your seat is next to mine" he prompted, gesturing you to walk infront of him and take your seat. as you walked infront of him his eyes now travelled further south. a small grimace shared from gaz to soap went undetected by the three sitting at the top of the table. mr buckton at the head, you to his left and then the captain and ghost next to you. opposite was mr sullivan, with gaz then soap next to him. with you all seated the meeting began.

for once the meeting was actually worth being held. despite it not being anything too serious you did well, even with your nerves. you answered questions and expanded in the points of others. as you suggested plans of action mr buckton steadily kept his eyes on you, while mr sullivan constantly scribbled notes down. soon enough the meeting was a breeze. well for about twenty minutes. across from you, mr sullivan was very inquisitive about anything you said. asking you to back it up or to show proof. not thinking much of it you obliged. it was a little odd but you knew your stuff and why not show off infront of higher ups? however the sentiment was not shared with the rest of the 141. who even asked for evidence about evidence? they understood wanting clarification on certain things, but it was growing incessant now. you were capable of your job and they knew that - that's why you were there. price especially helped you in the growing awkwardness; his job had never been so easy with you working underneath him. gaz and soap constantly gave eachother questioning glances, not wanting to explicitly speak up if their captain didn't. ghost was pissed he couldn't hide his eyes rolling as well as his scowl behind his balaclava. although they were growing increasingly annoyed the meeting continued, with more ridiculous questions being asked. professionalism was continued with a grim expression for another twenty minutes or so. hardly.

until mr sullivan basically dislocated his back by stretching in his chair with an exaggerated yawn leaving his cavernous mouth. "thought you woulda brought coffee since you kept us waiting for so long, cant believe you didn't make me some fresh". with beady eyes on you he smiled lazily. oh he has to be joking you thought to yourself there's no way this guy is real. play them at their own game. "why would i make more? i've already got some for myself" you smiled sickly back at him back, one that gaz has used on you many times when he's late giving you a report.

the table fell unusually silent again, and that's when you noticed it. the crackling of unease filling the air. sharp eyes from the 141 darted from eachother to you, to mr sullivan and back again.

"don't be so mean, i'm literally a dying man" he snarkily replied, eyeing you coolly. "one can hope" ghost muttered under his breath.

"i have urgent needs that need to be taken care of, won't you help?". mr sullivan continued, a slimy smile displayed as he noted the effect his badly hidden innuendo had on you. you felt your cheeks warm. he smirked at this, finally affecting you after bugging you the whole bloody meeting. fuck impressing him he's an arsehole.

"well, i'm sure you'll be alright by yourself. seems it happens a lot." you said back, indifferent. as soon as that left your mouth a strange sharp bark that hastily turned in to a cough came from soap. all heads from the table whipped to look at him. "pardon me" he shakily said, quickly taking a sip of his drink, watery eyes not straying from the blank wall above ghosts head.

"let's get back on track hmm?" mr buckton suggested "so cheeky, must be that time of the month". he turned to you with an eyebrow raised with an impish grin.

what. what the actual fuck. not only was this unprofessional, but who even though if that? let alone say it out loud.

price coughed uncomfortably and turned away. gaz and ghost looked at eachother in disbelief. and soap was finding that wall even more interesting. surely it could not get any worse.

"oh you all know what women are like, don't pretend. especially when they're frustrated" mr buckton let out a giggle "you know from work". you actually spluttered, eyes wide with disbelief. the feeling of unease in the air was now a full jolt of electricity. just as you felt price boiling with anger you leaned forwards to mr buckton. if everyone on the table wasn't watching you, they certainly were now.

"tell me" you said. mr buckton looked at you shocked, mouth gaping open. "tell me what women are like. you know i've been so airheaded this last week i hardly know my left from my right!". just to amp it up a little you slowly crossed your arms just underneath your chest, accentuating it. "you've explained so much to me this meeting surely you could explain this?"

the 141's eyes grew to the size of saucers, there's no way these two would actually fall for this? right? at this point mr bucktons and mr sullivans jaws were practically falling off. the latter was sadly the quickest to start talking 'so, when women start-". a smart rap in the door interrupted. a male voice said seriously

"emergency call for you mr buckton".

"oh, oh you must excuse us. i have to end this meeting" mr buckton declared "i simply cant miss this". messily shuffling their papers together both men swiftly said their goodbyes to you all. with that they just about made it out the door without tripping over their own legs.

a second passed after the door banged shut before gaz burst out in howls of laughter, clutching his ribs, soon joined by soap who could barely look at the wall for any longer. ghost stared at the door muttering who knows what under his breath and the captain sat there with his gaze fixated on the table mortified. he turned his head to you apologising profusely and asking if you're okay.

you just nodded vaguely and replied "men"

all likes, reblogs and comments are so appreciated!! this is my first time writing something properly so i hope you enjoyed it

[paladin--strait]

soulmates part 1

luke hughes x reader

part 2 here! series masterlist here!

tw!!: none other than some language! use of y/n, reader can be depicted as any body shape/size.

this story moves kinda fast, since I want it to only be a couple of parts long. it's also pretty cringey...sorry about that lol

warning: this is a complete work of fiction. I am no way saying or implying that these people act the way the do in the story. I am open to any sort of constructive criticism! thank you!

I take another sip of my drink and look over at jack who has his arm around his 'fling of the day' as the guys and I like to call it. she's blonde with green eyes, which seems to be his type since that's what most of the girls he brings around look like. with a shake of my head and a sigh, I look over at timo, who gives me a understanding look with a chuckle. I ruffle my hair that is still damp from jumping off the boat into the lake with the guys earlier while I stand up and walk over to the kitchen island to talk to jamie, dawson, and john.

"yo luke!" dawson says, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me a little, "what's life like having to watch jack and his fling of day all the time?" he questions with a laugh, slapping me on the shoulder. my eyebrows raise and I sigh, shaking my head with a laugh. "its interesting, I guess." I say, shrugging my shoulders.

"you guess?" john asks, taking a sip of his beer. "doesn't it get annoying after a while? ya know? constantly coming home and he has some random girl in the house or when he comes home he has a girl? that would annoy the fuck outta me dude. I would honestly pack up my stuff and live somewhere else." he says with a chuckle, trying to lighten the conversation to some extent but it doesn't work.

"I've just gotten used to it over time. when we're in jersey I just go out for a walk or I just go over to cap's house and hang out with him. when we're here I just go out in the boat and stay in the middle of the lake for a while." I say with a shrug.

and its true, sad, but true. I'm just glad quinn doesn't act this way. at least, I don't think he does. I'm not in vancouver with him everyday so I wouldn't really know. but I don't really see quinn acting that way. jack's always been a bit of a player, but when all the guys are around during the off season he seems to want to show off.

sure, I've had a couple hookups here and there, but nothing like jack. he's my brother and I love him, but recently his player antics have been getting worse. I admit, I've been looking into some apartments lately. it's not like I can't afford them, because I can, it's just the fact that me and jack have lived in the same place for basically our whole lives. first it was our house and now it's our apartment in jersey. I don't wanna move away from him just because of some girls he brings back.

I make some more small talk with the guys, now including trevor, who had just woken up from his nap on the couch, and quinn, who had recently come out of his room after his shower, when the doorbell rings.

jack jumps up, almost knocking his girl on the floor in the process, and runs to the door. "I got it!!" he says, disappearing into the hallway that leads to the front door. the guys and I make our way to the couch, taking our seats and continuing our conversation.

soon enough, jack walks back in with nobody. "quinn, there's some girl here to see you. she's putting her stuff up and then she'll be in here." he sighs, sitting back down with his girl, who I've now learned is named kaitlyn. I look at quinn, who is looking at me with a confused look on his face, before he stands, waiting to greet who ever is here to see him.

Then, she walks in. she has got to be one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen in my life. her flowy hair, that sort of bounces with almost every step, her blue canucks jersey that fits her curves like a dream, and her eyes. god, her eyes are gorgeous.

I'm snapped out of my daze by her voice, "quinny!!" she says, practically running to quinn, who's face lights up, before grabbing her and hugging her tightly. they hug for a while and I can hear them talking, but i can't hear what they're saying. after a minute or two, they pull away looking at each other happily. brock stands and walks to the unnamed girl with open arms, yelling her name, and embracing her in a hug.

"everyone," quinn starts, "this is y/n. she lives in vancouver with me and works in media for the canucks so this is a surprise that she's here." he says, looking at her with a smile.

I can tell her likes her, crush or not, quinn likes her. he never smiles like that for anyone. she smiles back, and waves hello, a tiny of blush on her cheeks. she then makes eye contact with me, eyes widening a bit and her cheeks getting a bit redder before quinn pulls her away to introduce her to everyone.

I gulp, realizing that quinn's best friend might be the death of me. I get up quickly, walking outside with my drink in hand. I sit in a chair facing the lake and take in the sunset. I can't help but think about her as I sip my drink.

y/n's pov

"and this is the middle brother, jack, and his girlfriend, kaitlyn." quinn gestures to them, and jack stands to give me a handshake, but eventually settles on a hug. I notice that his girlfriend is eyeing me hard. but the look I give her back is enough to get her to look away. "and luke is over there." quinn points to where he and luke were previously sitting on the couch, but luke is nowhere to be seen. quinn frowns, before looking around and finally spotting him sitting outside on the deck through the window.

"you can stay in here, quinny. I can go introduce myself on my own." I say, smiling before quinn does as well, walking back to take his seat beside who I think is a guy named trevor.

it's a short walk to the porch outside. the sun is glaring in my face so I pull my sunglasses down from my head to cover my eyes. the wooden boards of the deck clack as I step on them, making my way to luke.

I sit in the seat beside him as he turns to look at me with a suspicious look on his face, wondering who followed him outside. I give him a smile and makes eye contact with him, which he returns for s split second before looking away. "hi luke! my name is y/n. it's so nice to finally meet you! quinn has told me so much about you." I say, hoping to get him to look back at me.

all he does is nod and say a quick hello with a 'nice to meet you'. I frown, my gaze settling on the wooden boards below our feet. I sigh, and stand back up, walking back to the house.

my mind is racing as I try to figure out why he won't talk to me or even look at me. maybe he's tired? maybe he just wants some privacy? I'm not sure but the sadness in my eyes is evident when I walk back into the lake house, my eyes meeting Quinn's and I give him a small smile which he returns with a frown.

Quinn walks to me and puts his hand on my shoulder as he leans in to whisper something in my ear. "I'm sorry about luke. I'm not sure what's gotten into him. I'll talk to him and see if he'll come around." he pulls back and gives me a smile before he walks outside.

"hey y/n!!! come sit with us!" I hear a voice say, soon figuring out it was that trevor guy. I smile and make my way to them.

luke's pov

my heart is racing when she sits beside me. I can't believe quinn is friends with such a beautiful girl. I feel my cheeks begin to heat up even more when she mentions how much quinn has talked about me.

I try to be nice to her and return her greeting but I just can't focus on what she's saying. my mind is thinking at a billion miles per hour, wondering what quinn had told her about me and whether I need to be worried if it's bad.

I'm so focused on my own thoughts that I don't even realize she's gotten up to leave until she was halfway back to the house. I stand, and outstretch my hand, wanting to call her name and tell her to come back, but nothing leaves my mouth.

I sit back down and wonder what I just did. is she gonna hate me now? is she wondering why I won't talk to her? does she think that I think that she's ugly and I don't wanna look at her?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a hand touching my shoulder and a voice calling my name. I snap out if it and look over at the person. its quinn. he's got a worried look mixed with a bit of anger on his face.

"why won't you talk to her?" he says, crossing his arms and looking at me with a look of confusion. "she was so excited to meet you and jack and you won't even look at her. I told her that you two would get along so well and she's been so excited ever since. what's the deal?"

his voice gets louder at the end of his questioning. I can tell he really cares about her.

"i don't know..." my voice trails off and I look down, fiddling with my fingers.

"you don't know?? luke, she was more excited to meet you more than anyone else. I didn't know that she was coming down today or even at all but I was planning in buying her plane tickets later to get her down here tomorrow or the next day so she could meet all of my friends and family. I don't understand what has gotten into you, luke." quinn's head shakes in disappointment and disbelief.

"listen quinn, I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me either." I say, about to play everything off. and then it all comes out. "all I know is that she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. I don't even know anything about her but I can already tell that I'm about to have the biggest crush on this girl. so seems so kind and so fun from what I've seen. which is not much but still! I can already tell what kind of person she is. she just gives me that feeling of kindness. please don't tell her that I said any of that and I'm so sorry quinn."

I don't think I've even spoken faster in my life. quinn's face went from disappointment and anger to disbelief and happiness in a split second. he jumps up and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"luke. I wanted to bring her down not only to meet all of you guys, but I wanted her to meet you. you're perfect for each other! she's always so happy and excited for everything and that's just what you need! I'm not saying you're a huge party pooper or whatever, but sometimes you need more excitement in your life! look at jack. he's living his best life right now. sure, he's definitely had way too many girlfriends, but that's what makes him happy and you deserve something or someone that will make you happy too. if you wanna date her, go ahead. y/n hasn't had the greatest experience with relationships. and I think that you could change all of that for her. so I'm absolutely fine with it if you wanna take her out."

quinn's words shock me. he stands there with an excited look on his face and he urges me to stand up.

"I guess I should talk to her then." I look at quinn with a smile and he puts his arm around my shoulders, laughing excitedly as we walk back to the house.

[doberbutts]

Was talking to someone about how it’s not okay to consider transmisogyny the root of all oppression and they agreed, but when I said it’s also not okay to consider misogynoir the root of all oppression either they seemed to consider me racist for that (we are both nonblack poc). I’m sorry if I’m wrong there, it just doesn’t seem fair to believe any one type of oppression is the worst one that causes all the rest. All oppression is interrelated but not in that way to me?

So normally I wouldn't answer this because it reads like bait HOWEVER I know who's asking bc I saw your conversation about it in the discord channel so I'm willing to take in good faith only bc of that.

In the context you were speaking of, I both agree and disagree with the statement "fixing misogynoir would fix all oppression".

Misogynoir is so intertwined with so many things, and while they're all pointed at black women, fixing each hook of the web will inevitably help both non-black and non-women people. I think I referred to oppressive society as a jenga tower a couple weeks ago. Wiggle one block free and the tower shakes but doesn't fall. Remove enough blocks and eventually the whole thing collapses. You can think of misogynoir as a collective of probably a third to a full half of the total number of blocks in the tower. It's not the whole tower, but it's a significant enough portion that removing them all probably does break the whole thing. Even if the tower IS still standing by the end, it's more likely to begin to fail as you remove what few blocks are left keeping the structure upright.

I have never met someone devoted to misogynoir who is not also intensely ableist, homophobic, transphobic, classist, xenophobic, as well as sexist and racist in other ways. This is especially, and unfortunately, true of the black men who refuse to support their sisters and instead push them down while seeking their own freedom. This is a known problem and fairly intensely discussed in black feminism.

HOWEVER I understand that your interpretation is that would then mean that black women are The Most Oppressed. I do not think that is what that statement is intended to imply, but I also get how it could be read in that manner. I think it is dangerous to try to measure oppression on this sort of scaling, because A: personally I think it is too contextual to say any one demographic or combination of identities is "the most" anything, and B: even if there truly is a "The Most Oppressed", people who are crying out for help should be helped, regardless of where they sit on that ladder. If you don't have food you don't have food, let's solve the problem of people not having food first and we can quibble about the details later.

Rather, it is more that specifically misogynoir as said is so interwoven with so much more than simply "racism and sexism towards black women" that fixing all the pieces of misogynoir would make such a vast improvement on the whole of society that many, many, many oppressive structures would vanish.

I also think you can say that about pretty much any intersectional view of oppression, which is why I'm always saying that we need to be joining hands and lifting each other out of the pit rather than fighting over crumbs and our 5 seconds in the spotlight. If I'm fighting misogynoir, and a friend is fighting antisemitism, and a third friend is fighting transmisogyny, and a fourth is fighting for disability rights... all of these things hook together. The other three's fights directly influence mine, and visa versa. So rather than reading it as "abandon your cause and join mine instead", it should be "therefore we are allies because our goals run parallel to each other".

I'm also aware that plenty of people interpret it the first way, and refuse to listen to the second. This is also fairly widely discussed in black feminism, with some having the first interpretation and others the second.

[sojourner-between-worlds]

Things about being a Christian I've had to unlearn as an adult:

Spending a lot of time on/ being invested in something doesn't make it an idol. This is not how that works, bestie. Look. I get that the advice "if you spend more time on x hobby than you do reading the Bible and praying" is well-intentioned, but it's just plain Bad. There are a lot of hobbies that take significant amounts of time. Art. Writing. Trade hobbies, like woodworking. I spent two hours Saturday putting in a garden (now that I have space for one!), and not spending two hours and one minute on Bible reading doesn't mean that gardening is now an idol for me. It means I got into a groove and just kept going (and got terribly sunburned for my trouble). What makes something an idol is NOT how much time you spend on it but rather the importance you place upon it. Sometimes important things take five minutes and sometimes they take an hour; the thing that took five minutes isn't less important because it took up less of your time. If your thought process is "this is more important than spending time with God", that is what makes your hobby an idol. (If you are constantly foregoing your time with God in favor of a hobby, then I'd say you need to re-evaluate your priorities, but spending a lot of time on something does not inherently make it an idol. Not to mention that a lot of hobbies can still bring you closer to God despite not spending that time intentionally for that purpose.)

Not having your "quiet time"/ devotions every day does not make you a "bad" Christian. This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point, and there's a lot I could say on this topic, but what it boils down to is this: God understands our human limits and the brains He gave us that sometimes make it difficult -- autism and ADHD and OCD and [fill in the blank]. I'm autistic. So when (well-meaning) people say things like, "you can't get to know God if you don't spend time with Him!" about praying and reading the Bible -- well, 'spending time' looks different for me. Socializing is difficult for me. And while socializing with God is obviously different than with people, praying is still far more mentally draining for me than for most people (especially growing up in an environment where it was implied that you have to 'say the right things' when you pray instead of just allowing it to be a conversation, but that's the next point). A lot of "socializing" for me is simply being present with someone else. This is called "parallel play": you're doing your own thing in the same space as someone else while they are also doing their own thing. This...doesn't translate well to Christianity and what Christianity is "supposed" to look like, unfortunately, so I constantly felt shame that none of the common advice worked for me when it seemed to work for everyone else. Set a time? Executive dysfunction makes switching tasks hard and once that set time has passed, "well, it's too late now". Having a reading plan? I'd miss a day, fall behind, and the shame at that would keep me from continuing to try. And when I did manage to stay on track, quite often it simply became a box to check off and that was it. So, now, I do what I can, when I can. I always get more out of it, and I think God cares more about that than sticking to a plan just so you can say you read every day anyway.

"Don't script your prayers! They'll become repetitive and you won't think about or mean them!" Oh, boy. Once again, I get the well-intentioned meaning here. You don't want your prayers to become rote and stale. But as someone with high anxiety, scripting them is the only way I can survive praying aloud with other people, and, in fact, it means I put more thought into them, not less! But hearing this kind of advice coupled with an environment where it was implied you had to say 'the right things, the right way' was absolutely detrimental to my prayer life growing up. I was always worried about saying the wrong thing, especially as an undiagnosed autistic who was constantly, ya know, saying the wrong things in conversations with people. So I definitely didn't want to say the wrong things to God! But... I also wasn't allowed to plan what to say? How was I supposed to pray then? So I just. didn't pray. For a very long time. Until I learned its just as perfectly okay to talk to God about whatever crosses your mind while you're standing at the sink doing dishes as it is sitting down with a list of things to focus on. (Not to mention that this really is just...terrible advice in general. Kudos to my pastor, who, in his current Sunday night series on worship, actually gave a tutorial on how to personalize praying the Psalms. So, you know, pre-written prayers.)

Purity Culture. Need I say more? Oh, I could write a whole post about how harmful this is, but plenty of people already have, so I'll leave it at this: I wear what I am comfortable wearing now. Something I love about my church is that our philosophy on modesty is this: The greatest sin of immodesty is saying "look at me" instead of "look at God." In other words, modest isn't about what you're wearing so much as what your attitude about what you're wearing is. If you choose what to wear because you want people to notice and stare and give you compliments, then that is immodest no matter how much of your skin is covered up. It's not immodest to wear clothes you like and that you think are attractive (or that help you look professional when its called for), but ultimately your mindset is really not about "dressing to impress." (There is a very thin line between 'modest' and 'immodest' and its not where most people think it is.)

[giorno-plays-piano]

Broken Boy

Pairing: soft!yandere!Midoriya Izuku x reader

Warnings: obsession, manipulation, past bullying, violence (against bullies), unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied stalking, one mention of hypothetical noncon, Izuku being a cinnamon roll and a menace at the same time, hurt/comfort.

Words: 3.2k

Summary: "Is someone... giving you trouble?" You ask cautiously, actually afraid he's going to say yes. You can't stomach thinking someone is bullying Izuku again. Sure, he bulked up considerably and is now so tall he literally towers over you, but he's still that shy compassionate boy inside, and he doesn't know how to stop people from being mean to him.

P.S. Just giving some love to our best boi.

______________

When you see him, it's almost like every other Friday night when you grab a pizza from that corner cafe and come home to Izuku choosing a movie for you two to enjoy. It's been your favorite tradition ever since middle school, and you can't imagine spending the evening anywhere else.

Though maybe you should, given the circumstances.

Midoriya keeps chatting about work and the new equipment in his gym while you struggle to keep the conversation going. There are a lot of things on your mind, but your best friend's mental health is on the top of the list. Has been for a long time when you two had been younger, but you actually thought he got better with time. That is, until your work friend pointed out how unnaturally clingy he seems to the point when it's almost creepy.

He'd bark for you if you asked, she huffed, but, to your horror, you couldn't even find it in you to argue. In the end, she was right. When you look back at it, Izuku has been getting more and more possessive and insecure despite nothing seemingly changing in the relationship between you two.

Has something happened to him, and you missed it completely? You are confident it isn't his mom - your friend would often FaceTime with you around, and nothing at all hints at Midoriya's mom being distressed, you know her well enough to be sure. Is it work, perhaps? Personal issues?

Has someone started bullying him again?

You shiver from anger at the thought, clenching your fists. You would fucking end anyone who's troubling your ray of sunshine - like you had nearly done in middle school.

When you first met him, he was a new kid in your class, all skin and bones, awkward and shy and with no communication skills whatsoever. Took him about a day to become a target of delinquents you school was full of. They mocked him, drew on his desk, and threw a bucket of water at him once, but, as always, teachers didn't pay any attention to the bullying. You feel bad about it now, but since you had never seen it happen with your own eyes, you didn't think much of it either.

However, when one of the kids punched Izuku in the face to the point his nose started bleeding right in front of you, something in you snapped at the view of blood trickling down Midoriya's face. He was crying, hands up to prevent the kid from hurting him more, pleading the bullies to stop as if they'd listen. To this day, it infuriates you that someone would beat up a child this defenseless and lost: he was like an injured puppy, sobbing and trying to hide in the corner with his arms up to protect himself.

Before you even realized what you were doing, you flew to the bully and strated throwing punches at him like your life depended on it, repeatedly hitting him in the head and chest and everywhere you could reach before the other kids intervened. You were so enraged, though, you ended up fighting them, too, despite getting kicked in the ribs hard. The pain didn't stop you: it was like you turned into a whole different being whose only purpose was to hurt the bullies of a crying kid.

The teachers barely got a hold of you before you grabbed a chair to smash it against the back of one of the other children.

To this day, you wonder how Izuku awoke this raging beast inside of you: you had rarely gotten into fights, and, given your politeness and overall sweet demeanor, neither you nor anyone else had suspected you had it in you. Nevertheless, from that point on, there wasn't a day when you weren't there for Midoriya to kick the ass of whoever had the gall to torment him. Hell, the next time someone punched him, you went batshit crazy and almost pushed the guy off the stairs. Worse, you aren't the slightest bit sorry even now when you think of Izuku's swollen eye after he got punched again.

Gradually, it became better after you showed every stupid boy around what would happen if they did anything stupid to that awkward skinny kid, and Izuku was finally left alone. Naturally, it was no surprise he got so attached to you he spent nearly all his time somewhere around, going to the same after-school activities, picking same clubs, doing same things as long as he was able to stay close to you. You felt sorry for Midoriya: he was so nice it alone was enough for people to pick on him. How was he supposed to find friends? He'd stay a loner forever if you didn't do anything.

He wasn't hard to be around. Getting to know him better, you realized he was genuinely a very gentle and smart kid despite his antics and a weird addiction to superhero movies. Izuku was sweet and polite, holding a door for you like a gentleman, carrying your books, always laughing at your jokes, and even giving up his rice pudding he claimed he didn't like just to give it to you. How could you not like him?

It's been years since you both graduated from college, and he is still bringing you a rice pudding whenever you feel sad. You heart clenches as you think of him going through hard times again when you have no idea what's happening.

"Are you alright?" He suddenly asks, and you realize you've been staring at the wall for a minute, not replying to anything he just said.

God, this is gonna be painful.

"Are you alright?" Turning your head to face him, you ask, equally guilty and concerned.

Even though he tells you he is, giving you his brightest smile, you don't believe it. Izuku is very good at hiding his emotions when he's hurt.

"Talk to me," you ask, grabbing his palms in yours, and he visibly reddens at the sudden touch like a schoolboy.

You aren't fooled by this as you patiently wait for him to open up like always does when you want him to be honest with you, but Izuku just shrugs and says he's unsure what you're implying. Things are the same. Nothing has changed, nothing at all.

"Is someone... giving you trouble?" You ask cautiously, actually afraid he's going to say yes. You can't stomach thinking someone is bullying Izuku again. Sure, he bulked up considerably and is now so tall he literally towers over you, but he's still that shy compassionate boy inside, and he doesn't know how to stop people from being mean to him.

Midoriya smiles and shakes his head. "No. My colleagues and my boss are very nice. You don't have to worry."

"I can't NOT worry!" You exhale, rubbing his hands in yours like you always do when you get nervous. "You seem so... alone. I don't even see your gym buddies anymore. Has something happened? Did you have a fallout or something?"

There it is, this gentle, heartbreaking smile he always gives you whenever you are worried. Izuku has never once told you that you are pushy and overbearing despite the fact that you were all that many times in the past. He just smiles at you like he's happy someone cares, and it makes you tear up at the thought. How could he be so sweet and kind and yet so unaware of his own worth? It feels like the world is so freaking unfair to him.

"I just don't spend that much time with them anymore," he says as he gets a little closer to you, cheeks blushing because he's such a pure soul, unspoiled and shy, "because you are my best friend. I wanna hang out with you. I thought you'd be happy about it."

It's nearly enough to make you freaking sob. What did you do to deserve this sweetheart? How could he stay such a warm, kindhearted guy after the treatment people gave him?

You draw a breath and look him dead in the eye. "Izuku, come on, I'm not going anywhere. Why on Earth do you think if you have other friends, I'll stop hanging out with you? Having more friends is a healthy thing! We can hang out together if you'd like."

It seems Midoriya doesn't like the idea, giving how he shakes his head, his expression darkening. You don't know what to make of it until he starts talking, not meeting your eyes, "No. What if you'll like my friends more than me? I've always felt like you liked those gym guys more than me. I hated it. Like they're better than me, and if they ask you to stop spending time with me, you'll choose them over me."

For a second, you're unsure if you've just misheard him. It takes you a moment to process his words. What the actual fuck?! Did he just suppose you like his gym bros you only ever met a couple of times more than him, your best friend who's been with you for years?

As you blink, a thousand questions form in your head in response to his accusation, but one thought prevails over others: Izuku is battling some serious demons inside his head. There is no way a sane person would ever suggest anything like that. He's really, really insecure. Insecure in a dangerous way. You can't believe you haven't realized it earlier, just blaming it on his weird social skills when Izuku clearly hasn't been alright. When did it even start? Has it always been like that, and you simply didn't see the signs? Is it because of his childhood traumas?

Of course, it's his fucking childhood traumas. Why else? You were literally the only kid around him. Of course, he's terrified of losing you, and that's why he's still glued to you like a child.

It hurts you thinking your best friend is struggling that much. He's such a good person. He could have been so much happier if not for the things he had to endure as a kid that damaged him.

"Izuku, I think you need help," you whisper quietly, heartbroken, clenching his hands in yours as he watches you with that soft smile on his face that only makes you more anxious. "Things you say, they're just... wrong. I'd never abandon you for someone else, but it's not normal to depend on anyone that much. You need help. What can I do for you?"

You are completely honest with him when you speak, wishing to do anything it takes to help him get better. Clearly, Midoriya needs therapy. You'll have to ask around and find him an adequate specialist, maybe even pay if Izuku's low on cash, but you can do it. He's your best friend. Even if your colleague is right and he'd do anything for you, you'd do anything for him either. That's what friends are for.

When Izuku lights up, you hope he'll accept your help, but instead, he says, "Just stay with me like this."

You blink again and sigh in frustration. Of course, he'll pretend like he's ok. He has always had.

Reaching out to him, you envelop him in a hug and bring his head to your chest despite how much bigger he is now compared to you. Izuku doesn't fight, eagerly wrapping his hands around your core like he waited for it to happen. You're fairly certain touch is his love language because he used to hug you almost every day when he was a kid. Sure, he did become more self-conscious once you turned older, but it didn't stop him from occasional cuddles.

"I'm not going anywhere, ok?" You repeat again to reassure him. "I'm here. I don't know why you're so fixated on the idea."

"But what if you're gonna meet some guy you'll fall in love with? Get married, have kids?" He mumbles, his breath warming your neck. "What about me then?"

Gently caressing his head to calm him down, you ask, "Well, aren't you gonna do the same? Don't you want to fall in love with some nice girl?"

He sighs loudly, head buried under your chin as he keeps clinging to you. "I've already had."

Eyes wide, you silently stare at him, but Midoriya doesn't stop cuddling with his face hidden from you like he doesn't want you to see him. What the hell? Is this a prank or something? What sort of a fucking rollercoaster is this evening?

You can't even believe he fell in love with someone. Seriously? And didn't even tell you? Who on Earth is this girl? Do you know her? How did they meet? Your head is ready to burst from the number of questions that only seem to multiple again and again with each sentence Midoriya says.

"But you never even hang out with anyone but me..." You start, furrowing your brows until Izuku is groaning in your chest, and it finally hits you.

He is talking about you.

You are the only girl he's ever cared about. The only person he's been close to. And he has always been nice, but also sort of exceptionally nice? Even your mom used to comment on how much he likes you, hinting at the evident crash he had for you, but you always thought it was just wishful thinking despite how much you'd liked him to be in love with you. Given how open he was, he would've already confessed, you thought. By the time you both turned into adults, you were pretty much convinced he didn't harbor any romantic feelings for you or no longer had them.

When in reality he might have fallen in love with you years ago and never fallen out of it.

It freaks you out that much your face is on fire. Fucking hell. How are you supposed to react? What are you going to say? You don't even understand how you are feeling about this. Do you like him? Sure, you absolutely do. But do you love him? Can you love him? He'll surely ask you to date now that the cat is our of the bag. And what are you going to say to that?

Instead, you try to direct your thoughts elsewhere and ask Izuku, swallowing a lump in your throat, "When did you f-fall in love with me?"

He mumbles something inaudible into your chest, and you have to grab his face and make him look at you despite how much you'd like the earth just to swallow you whole this very moment.

"When you first hit that kid for me, I think," he mutters with his face so red he resembles a ripe tomato.

Oh my god, you almost say to his face but manage to stop yourself, drawing a shaky breath instead. He's been in love with you all this time. All. This. Time. You are never going to live this moment down. Ever.

Your best friend had a crush on you for years, and you just blindly thought he was clingy for no reason aside from his loneliness. That he was just being moody when you went on a couple of dates in high school and talked to him about it. That he didn't date anyone himself because he's simply a very shy person and struggles to start a conversation with girls.

Were you being a huge moron to him all this time?

"You weren't supposed to find out this way," he grumbles, burying his head beneath your chin again. "I was preparing for a big reveal in a nice restaurant, and then we'd go on a trip, just the two of us."

You are so abashed you don't even have anything to say. Maybe you're actually dreaming right now on Midoriya's couch because only then it would all make sense. What the hell are you supposed to say? To feel? Your best friend has always been in love with you, and you had no fucking idea.

Again, not that you don't like him or anything. You do. Especially after he manned up a little, grew taller, and hit the gym, although you'd probably like him even if he still was 5"1 skinny as a rail guy with a baby face. It just feels weird to rapidly start developing these freaking intense feelings for someone you nearly considered a part of you.

While you're trying to somehow get out of this akward situation, your brain gives you the stupidest idea to make a joke, "Well, aren't we confident! Already planned a trip after confessing."

You almost feel him smile, but when he breaks the embrace to straighten and look you in the eyes, he has a sad expression on his face. "I'd try to convince you by any means possible I'd do anything for you. I was ready to grovel at your feet. I still am."

His words alarm you, and you immediately place your hands on his shoulders, causing him to smile again. You want to tell him under no circumstances he should do that to anyone at all, but Izuku keeps going before you can stop him.

"I mean it. I'd do anything. I'd let you hurt me. I'd let you rape me if you wanted to. I'd jump from the roof if you asked me. Whatever you want, I'll do."

Normally, a love confession would have made you happy, but the words he say break your heart instead, and your eyes are instantly wet before you even realize it. How could he say something like that? How could be so nonchalant about these things? Has he no regard for himself as a human being? No pride? No pity? How can he talk about being alright with you hurting him if only it meant you'd date him? How could be genuinely be fine with a thing like this?

'I'm sorry!" He apologizes immediately when tears start streaming down your cheeks. "I didn't mean to upset you, I swear! I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me."

You are fully sobbing now, clenching his stupid Captain America sweatshirt you got him last Christmas. This is so fucked up. How could he be okay with you doing these things to him? Why would he even go that far?

You can't stop yourself from embracing him once more, hugging him tight as your head rests on his broad shoulder. Midoriya doesn't protest, his gentle, warm hands already caressing your back as you sniffle.

"Izuku, you need help," you sob, soaking his sweatshirt, oblivious to his smile growing wide when you don't see his face.

Gently rocking back and forth like he's trying to calm down a child, he whispers to you softly in response, "Then will you stay and help me?"

It's such an innocent ask you have no second thoughts saying yes immediately because you better fall down the roof yourself than leave your friend in this state, and you don't even think about Izuku manipulating you into being with him. How could he? He's a cinnamon roll to the core. He's so good and pure it's dangerous for him to be left alone. Besides, you like him anyway, don't you? It's not like everything will change so much in a heartbeat. He's still your friend, still the closest to you. He'll always be. He just needs your help, and you can't say no when he's been so traumatized and really needs help.

Izuku knew you'd say yes, anyway.

__________

Tags: @yanderetodorokishoto @minshookie29

[bbanghiitomi]

| ophelia

synopsis: hyein has a keen eye for observing people as well their energy, you have an eye that can see ghosts. when the child of your parents' friends starts a club, it leads them to you.

— non!idol!student!lhyein × non!idol!student!femreader!

note: implied platonic!

-⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ

"geez, those girls again? they never get tired of their antics don't they?" you look at your friend — hyunseo as she looks over your shoulders to the abandoned underground hall of your school, you follow her line of sight to see five girls carrying flashlights and lined up on the way to the old exchange student building. "what are they doing?" you ask, hyunseo shrugs and laughs as she scratches her cheeks.

"ghost hunting? i don't know, their youngest member went around convincing others to join." it's getting dark, you finally walk past the old building to the pathway leading towards the main gate of the school campus. you've heard about this gimmick by that specific group of friends, you have found it ridiculous too but decided to just ignore them — it's not like their hurting anyone anyway.

you didn't realize hyein was actually serious about the ghost hunting thing, you've once thought she might have been fooling around and just making things up but she seems to be the person who doesn't lie. she goes around the class even sometimes to the floor beneath your classroom to recruit people to join but they always push her away and say she's absurd.

their friend group is made up of different ages, with hyein being the youngest — she's always the most enthusiastic about their whole gimmick, you've never been interested at all and sometimes would hear her talking about it to some people, sometimes the half australian girl would come to your classroom and converse with her.

actually you've never been interested in hyein at all, maybe she's cool, pretty, and fun but you were always surrounded by the same people and have never tried making conversations with hyein unless for school purposes, hyein has also never approached you about their ghost hunting gimmick, not that you minded it or whatever but you were just a bit jealous that other people seemed more fitting for it other than you.

"wouldn't they get in trouble if they got caught?" you ask hyunseo, who once again shrugs and looks at you whilst you two walk inside the district market. "didn't you know? jiwon who's in the same class as minji said that minji lives in our school dorms so sometimes they go to the suite lobby to kill some time." hyunseo answers, you two live in the same neighborhood — have you mentioned? hyein lives in the same block too?

you often see her playing in their front yard with the same group of people, but you never really see her when you go to school because oftentimes she's late.

"so, they get away from sneaking inside?" you ask, following behind hyunseo who shrugs. "you can say minji is a master at hiding trespassers." you laugh when she says that, you realize how different your friends are with hyein's... they're much more reserved, crazy loud when it's only the seven of you but everyone thinks differently.

you shift your eyes a bit and in the seemingly darkening skies then to the bustling market, you see a ghost nearby — you've had this ability to see spirits ever since you were a child, you've gotten used to it, so much that it doesn't faze you anymore. you feel the cold breeze of the air, everywhere you go— they're everywhere, you hate this feeling but it's been sticking to you no matter where you go.

"you okay?" hyunseo asks, looking back at you and you realize you've stopped walking, all of a sudden in the middle of the crowd. you blink your eyes and shake your head before following. "yeah, i just remembered something." you mutter, smiling at her.

in all honesty, you haven't told any of your friends about this peculiar ability, none of them have took notice of it... you were pretty good at hiding it. on the past few years growing up, you started to get braver when it comes to facing spirits, none of these dead souls know your ability so it was easy to avoid them but then again... you've made it your mission to look for your missing mother and the biggest mystery of her disappearance has something to do with ghosts.

hyunseo and the other girls know you're adopted, it wasn't like you hated admitting it... you've grown to acknowledge that fact quite well and they admire you for that. maybe the worst part of it all was not knowing why your mother left you with a friend.

hyein... knows that too. surprisingly, even with that non-stop running of her mouth, she haven't spilled anything about it to anyone at all.., maybe it's her natural skill to be able to read through someone's experience and understand what they feel.

ophelia

coming home again feels nothing new, you close the door and slowly excuse yourself to an empty living room, they're all currently at work, living you in charge of the house. when your 'mom' comes home late, she makes sure to bring home food and your 'dad' is nice, it's just two of them but it's okay.

the only time ghosts don't bother you is when you're in your room, whether you're sleeping or daydreaming, ghosts cannot enter your room... it's weird but you've never really find out what the reason is.

you hear the distinct sound of car honking, realizing it's from hyein's family and you peek to see hyein dashing to their porch, followed by her angry father who got off the car. you shrug, hyein's never changed... she's totally the same stubborn, nice, hot blooded kid.

it's not like you know hyein deeply but it's also not like you don't at all. you've been living in the same area, both your parents biological or not, like hyein once described it as "uncomfortably close", she might have been overreacting but that's the reason you know hyein almost too much for two kids who don't even talk to each other.

hyein sometimes gives off a vibe of someone who avoids you for certain reasons such as "she might not like me" or "we're very different" both can be true, but unfortunately none of this are. hyein has a different direction to go and that's why you seem to never both cross paths.

the only thing that you wonder about hyein is the reason behind her ghost-hunting activities. why does she do that? why did she recruit people to do that?

you've once thought if the girl ever knew that you could see ghosts, but you never really got the answer.

it's also weird how she tries to recruit people in it, but specifying no actual goal.

you turn your back to the window as you shake your head, erasing the thought of hyein in your head before jumping onto your bed.

ophelia

hyein runs to her room, her father isn't really mad and she knows that. her father doesn't follow her to her room as hyein enters and runs to her computer to immediately contact her friends.

forestry club (science hall building)

minji_kim04: do you really think we'd be able to follow the spirit inside the campus?

minji_kim04: i went around and most entrance are blocked by barricades.

sparkle.grace: don't give up yet.

sparkle.grace: why don't we keep contacting ms. seulgi, she knows this!!!

kitty_k4ng: surely you guys will leave my sister alone eventually.

kitty_k4ng: she sells antique, she doesn't know anything about ghosts.

honey04ever: haha... it's not about seeing ghosts, it's about the camera.

mo.dan_yell: yes! the camera can trace spirits, we've been stuck just at the barricade of the dormitories. i think we can find another way.

honey04ever: yeah, we've gone so far and i would really hate having to go back.

kitty_k4ng: ugh alright, we can go ahead ask her for fortune where it should lead us.

sparkle.grace: great! i'll bring the camera tomorrow and let's meet at kitty's place!

it didn't take quite long the next day, it's raining very hard when the five girls meet at the small village, an antique shop that also provides fortune telling services. the current goal of the team is to find a way to follow the spirit that went behind the school campus, there's no other exit nor entrance that leads to that path, it's an unknown place that is occupied by the school.

"it's raining hard today." minji says, holding an umbrella for her and hanni, danielle sighs and scoots closer to haerin who's holding an umbrella for them too. "but i checked the news, it's supposed to be sunny." she complains.

in this year, there's really no other clear way to know the weather except from the radio or news.

hyein grumbles, holding her own umbrella as they stand in front of the antique shop. "are you guys leaving?" she asks the four girls, who look at each other, each doing their own style of shrugging. "hyein, what's your plan? we're not going to leave you behind." hanni says, looking at the youngest, taller girl.

hyein nods her head, a determined look on her face. "we'll carry on. let's call ms. seulgi!" she says, making her way inside the store.

"unfortunately, the school now owns that place... it's an empty lot, i figured but the only way in is from the school premises, which you girls are not allowed." seulgi says, bringing her hands down to the clothes table, all receiving looks of disbelief from the owner.

"there's no other way? that's impossible." haerin says, seulgi shakes her head, looking at her younger sister. "i'm following the path that the spirit took, that's the only way she went," she informs the girls, she lights an incense and leads the smoke inside the lamp. as the girls watch in curiosity, the light immediately dies down.

"what does that mean?" minji asks, leaning on the table as the other girls wait for an answer. seulgi stands up and walks out of the fortune telling room, surprising everyone.

the girls look behind where the older kang left, hanni scatters to follow where seulgi went. the other girls follow to the entrance of the shop, where surprisingly your adopted mother was standing.

"y/n's missing..." hyein pushes the other girls as she runs to your mom, looking at the older woman with concern written all over her face. "what happened?" she asks, your mom sighs and shakes her head.

"i don't have any idea too, she went out yesterday and hasn't come back at all." your mom says, seulgi nods and leads your mom to the fortune telling room, where the other girls except hyein stayed outside the room.

"do you think you have any idea where she is?" hyein asks, sitting across your mom. seulgi lights another incense, where it stayed in the lamp for a 2 minutes. "she's somewhere in the forest." seulgi says, putting the lamp down as the smoke flies to the south.

"the mountain?" your mom nods at hyein. "yes, the mountain that was once a home to the biggest inn here... i knew she'd be there but the place is too dangerous to visit." seulgi nods and walks over to the door of the room. "it's raining... the water in the mountain." she says, before turning to hyein's direction. "you have the camera right?" she asks to which hyein nods her head immediately.

"yes! i brought it here with me." seulgi walks over to hyein. "tell haerin to follow y/n's spirit... she might have been looking for the same thing your group have been looking for."

ophelia

"are you sure we're gonna continue? it's dark and empty in the mountain." hanni says as she walks in front of minji. "hey, it's alright. haerin has the lamp with her and we're all wearing raincoats." minji tells the shorter girl, looking over to hanni with a small smile. hanni sighs.

"it's dangerous to get wet there, it's slippery and dark. as long as i have the lamp we're going to be alright." haerin says. danielle nods and smiles at the girls. "i really think we should focus on looking for y/n." she says, hyein is walking a lot faster than the others and she they got to the old train station, she immediately turns the power on.

"do you think her friends know she's missing?" hanni asks as they sit on the chairs of the train station, minji standing beside where hanni is. "if her mom announced, police officers would be all over the case." minji answers.

"no they don't. i think her mom keeps it because it's nothing police officers could solve." hyein answers, they all look to each other before haerin speaks. "you know that y/n can see ghosts?" hyein nods, putting an index finger on her chin as she thinks.

"it's obvious when she moves or the way she acts, i just don't have any idea what she's looking for like what ms. kang said."

danielle looks at haerin then back at hyein. "do you know? i think you're really the only one who can sense that. you have such observant eyes."

"if my sister implied that she's looking for the same thing, we might honestly find the entrance to that place where the spirit went to." everyone looks at haerin before the train stops. hyein looks at the other train inside, that must be the train you used to get to the mountain.

danielle, hanni, and minji all brought flashlights while haerin carries the lamp to avoid evil spirits and hyein holds the camera.

the shutter goes off. your traces can be seen on the ground, hyein takes the lead. the camera doesn't guarantee your steps or location but it is useful in tracking spirits as well as scaring them away. it's dark inside the forest, it's raining as well... there are lots of papers scattered on the ground and hyein assumes it's from the old inn nearby just at the entrance of the mountain's shrine.

there's a continuous line of water flowing, it's from the mountain's peak, a waterfall that connects every part of the forest.

danielle picks up a paper from the ground, noticing how it's relatively drier than the ones on the mud. she opens it and reads what is written below. "a black box of coffin in the shrine... under the cave, the water is rising. what?" all the girls look at her and hyein immediately asks for the paper.

hyein looks over the cliff they are standing upon, not too far from them is the old building of the large inn...

helping each other, they were able to get down from the cliff and reach the back entrance of the inn, with deteriorating walls, the inn stands almost unrecognizable from what it looked like before. haerin takes an envelope from her shoulder bag, opening it with your picture and your information... one of the pictures include the inn.

hyein takes a picture of the inn, while minji helps haerin raise the lamp. hyein can sense your trace from the entrance, going to the front entrance of the inn.

hyein screams when she's met with a ghost, backing up and immediately taking a picture before the ghost disappears. the girls all huddle together, with minji standing behind to keep them close. "should we keep going?" she asks, hyein nods and looks at everyone. "we'd be alright at the shrine, it has to be close here." haerin mutters and walks forward where everyone followed.

they were able to find traces of the path that lead to the shrine after multiple turns, picking up pieces of paper until... they reach the shrine but it doesn't look quite right. "is this the shrine?" hanni asks, looking at haerin who looks around and shrugs. "i mean it is, but this might not be it." minji looks at haerin with her furrowed brows. "what do you mean?" the rain starts pouring harder, before haerin sighs and steps on the stairs to the abandoned shrine. "it's the shrine of dolls." danielle says, as she reads the sign above.

hyein blinks and nods. "there's an underground path there, right?" she asks haerin who looks behind to hyein and nod. "i think, it's quite dark out there though. i don't want to risk trying to get in the cave." haerin shakes her head before turning her back on the girls again and opening the door, unfortunately, it's stuck.

"great, let's take a turn." haerin sighs before leading the group behind the shrine where it had a door that was left open wide. it's dark, almost like it was never a place where actual people lived in before. the light source comes from the moonlight, the shrine of dolls in display in front of them

hanni scoffs. "dude, are we really doing this?" she asks as she shifts her gaze away from the dolls. "it won't kill you, don't worry. if we find y/n, she can lead us out of here." hyein nods as haerin says that, looking at the second oldest of the group. "besides, we don't know the way out, we can't go back to the train station. if we're going to die, it's because we couldn't get out of here." hyein deadpans, minji sighs and puts a hand on hanni's shoulder. "it's alright." she whispers.

danielle follows haerin as well as minji and hanni, hyein volunteers to grab the candle from the underground passage after promising them she won't try to find the way to the cave. unfortunately, it's hard to fulfill the promise when your traces allure her to the cave, when she opens the door to the cave, there's water... flooding the area until it all went inside the shrine's underground passage. the water reaches hyein's knees and the cave was brighter than the shrine, every corner had candles and lamps, but other than those hyein's eyes focuses on the black box in the middle of the cave, where water overflows to the ground.

hyein runs to the box and opens it, only to be greeted by a wooden box overflowing with water, until she leans closer to take a better look. hyein shrieks in surprise when a hand comes out of the water, almost enough for her to fall over. hyein hears a gasp as she looks at the box again and sees a girl sitting up, soaking wet and cladded in a familiar set of uniform.

"y/n... y/n!?" hyein shouts as she immediately helps you up, you start to breathe heavily.

"hyein..." you mutter, looking up at the taller girl. hyein sighs in relief, almost like she's about to cry. "oh my god, we found you..." she whispers, full of relief.

ophelia

unfortunately, when you and hyein went back up at the shrine, the four girls are nowhere to be seen. hyein starts to panic as there was no way for her to locate their traces.

"where did they go!?" she asks, looking around. you sigh, shivering before pushing away the strands of hair sticking to you face. "they got lost..." you mutter, walking behind her and you reach for her shoulder. "let's find them." you suggest, trembling due to the cold air.

hyein turns around to you, before taking off her raincoat. "this isn't much but wear it! it's super cold." she says, you look at her and then to the raincoat, before chuckling and shaking your head.

"it's fine..." hyein shakes her head, before walking over to you with the raincoat in her hands. "wear it, please!" she sighs with a worried look on her face, and a pout. "come on, we have a long way to go... can't bring you back to your mom shivering to death." you know you can't win, so you nod and she puts the raincoat on you, surprising you.

"did you get lost your way here to?" hyein asks, you blink your eyes, before nodding. "i... i went the wrong way." you only say, hyein looks confused. "did you get inside the box? what if you drowned?" you look at her before laughing. "the spirits led me there, i've mistaken the doll shrine for the yuukon shrine, and i got trapped." you were able to tell her through your shaking breath and thinking about it now that you're safe doesn't make things less scary.

"you okay now?" hyein asks, you nod.

it was silent, for a while until hyein talks again. "yuukon shrine, you know about it?" hyein asks, after a while of hunting for spirits, hyein might have found the answer to her club's long overdue question...

the forestry club wanted to prove something, aside from plants and animals, hyein wanted to explore more about the mountain's history and it led them here; looking for the story for them to feature.

"we've been looking for it." she adds, you can only give her a short hum. "me too, almost like forever..." you mutter, hyein listens and puts all her attention to your words as you two walk the dark forest. "three years..? yeah, and just as i was about to find it, i got lost and well, it feels like everything i have found have gone to waste." you tell her.

hyein sighs. "it's really hard... i don't want our club to break apart. my only hope is this feature, i need to bring this mountain back to life again." hyein says, her voice filled with determination. you can only give her a meek sigh.

"that's... i hope you can do it." you tell her, giving her a moment of silence... hyein stares at your face, smiling brightly before she nods.

it took you both not that long to eventually find a manor, hyein looks at you and you gesture her to walk first. hyein peeks at every corner she can find, two of you were able to find the main hall of the manor but sadly, the girls were nowhere to be found. "you should get going..." you tell hyein, as you stand behind her. hyein holds the camera and shakes her head, pointing the camera at you before she takes a shot.

"i won't leave without you." she says, you widen your eyes but it softens. "i have to find my mother." you tell hyein but she walks towards you and holds your hand. "let's find her!" you give her a confused look. "but what about your friends..?" hyein takes a deep breath before letting out an airy laugh. "they'll be alright."

"this is the yuukon shrine? it's bright here..." hyein says as she walks beside you, you've been seeing this place in your dreams... a restless dream that haunts you and your mother's spirit that keeps you awake. hyein reads your small gestures, the way your eyes glimmer along the candles inside the shrine.

"i know..." the rain continues to pour, not as strong as before but still can be heard.

"have you been here before? or at least have familiarized this place?" hyein asks, you blink your eyes as you stand at the entrance beside hyein who looks at you endearingly. "i..." you hesitate to tell her the truth and she sees it. "it's okay." she assures you.

"i've been seeing this place in my dreams when i think about my mother, i have so many questions that only this place will be able to answer..." hyein nods and takes a step closer to you. "don't be scared to tell me! i'll keep your secrets, promise." realizing how hyein's knowledge about your family has never been found out by anyone, you knew hyein was trustworthy.

"i know... i just don't want you to worry about it." you look down and hyein continues to look at the way the orange and yellow lights illuminate on your face, she nods in understanding, still holding your hand. "i will of course, but you don't have to think of it like it's bothering me. i mean, i know you and you know me."

ophelia

when you enter, there's a shrine of flowers and charms that are mostly for marriage, the table is decorated by bright candles as well as lamps and incense. other than the bright decorations on the table, you don't ignore the obvious picture frames of your parents, your mother and who you assume to be your father.

"yuukon is a ritual, right? binding souls of the dead and a living person..." hyein says, looking at you as you kneel on the small pillow on top of the tatami mats. you nod as you stare at the shrine, closing your eyes with your hand clasped together. "i use to have dreams of my mother, i don't understand how i got here and where she is." you mutter, hyein sits next to you but not on the small pillow beside yours. "i read it somewhere, this is the house of joining... isn't this where the maidens get married to a living person?"

you nod. "the black casket, my mother sacrificed herself to be with my father and she must be somewhere here, drowning under the mountain's water." you open your eyes to look at hyein, who shifts her gaze on the shrine.

"my father, i have no idea where he might be. my mother left me with my mom and i'm guessing..." you trail your sentence, thinking very carefully. hyein waits before she opens her own mouth. "he might have been the ghost? i wonder, i haven't read something about a man being the ghost."

"my mother sacrificed herself for it to work." you give hyein a small smile before standing up. "maybe after she had me, like a maiden who have fulfilled her duty... she left me with my mom." you brush your hair back before walking towards the exit of the house.

"it ends here, i think. the school now owns this part of the place, i wanted to see it for myself before it disappears." you hear hyein's own steps. hyein looks down on the camera before taking a picture of the shrine, the house and you.

"we can go back now, i feel that they're out of the mountain." you tell hyein and she follows you to the exit of the mountain, passing through a long forest.

hyein walks, with her shoulders slump. "i... wanted the girls to see the shrine." she mutters, you look at her as both of you stand in the middle of the village.

"you can still create a feature out of it." you tell her with a small smile, hyein looks up at you and grins. "i know. i won't give up..."

"hyein! y/n!" you hear danielle's voice coming closer, the four girls all run to you and hyein, immediately they embrace the tallest girl with sighs of relief. "you're back with her..." haerin whispers.

hyein nods at the girls and looks at you. "we found the house of joining... i took a picture of it!" hyein takes the camera and shows the girls, they all huddle up to look at it.

"i should leave now..." you excuse yourself, hair still wet and hyein raises her hand. "wait! let's go and eat first." hyein takes your hand as the four other girls walk their way back to the antique shop.

after that, you decided to join the forestry club and help the girls release their feature for the mountain, eventually being able to help them reach a big population of readers.

[wrinkly-walls]

Let's talk motives

Longass rambling scream (1996) meta post incoming

DISCLAIMER I am not taking into account anything that happens in any of the other sceam movies, because they were made later and I think the whole concept of Roman is not interesting. So to ME Billy and Stu did everything without being prompted. Ok that's all :)

In the first scream motives are important in the way that they aren't. By that I mean that there are three (if I remember correctly) "conversations" about Billy and Stu's motives. There's the first one, which starts by Billy stating that it's much scarier if there's no motive and, funnily enough, ends with him giving his "motive" (in quotations because I wanna talk about that later); there's the "don't you blame the movies!" bit, which I counted because I think that it does discuss motives in a way; and then there's Stu's "peer pressure, I'm far too sensitive". The thing about these three conversations is that they, in my opinion, don't give an answer to the question/accusation of a motive.

Let's start with the first one, that I think is the one that tries to get closer to it. As I said, there's two parts to this: first we have Billy saying that motives make things less scary, mentioning Norman Bates (which is sort of funny because Bates did have a motive -sort of. It depends on what you consider a valid motive, as it relies on mental illnes, something that is not rational (and also almost never happens in real life). I think something similar happens in scream, with the question of what is motive, but whatever. I digress.) and Hannibal Lecter. Almost immediately though, he starts to get into the REAL motive, at least for him: his father's affair with Maureen, and his mother's subsequent abandonment of him. What I think is interesting about this exchange is the elephant in the room. Sid asks "Why did you kill my mother?" and that's exactly what Billy answers. We, and Sid, are left with the question "ok, but why are you doing anything else?" Why did he and Stu kill Casey and Steve, the principal, Tatum, the camaraman (and to our knowdlege at the moment), Randy, Gale, and Dewey?

This question tries to sort of get answered later, with Sid's accusation of "you sick fucks, you've seen one too many movies", but it gets shot down immediately by Billy. He seems angry about it too, gets defensive saying that "movies don't make psychos, movies make psychos more creative!". This is not a wrong statement, however it is curious to me that he, of all people, says it, seen as earlier in the movie he says that "it's all just one big movie", and just minutes ago compared his motive with fictional characters. So him so outwardly denying any influence of movies in his motive is strange. I'll get back to this later.

The last conversation is the most direct one, and also the one that I think gets misinterpreted the most. Sid explicitly asks Stu for his motive, to which he answers "Peer pressure, I'm far too sensitive." This, to me, is clearly a joke. (Why? Well, for starters it simply doesn't make sense on a technical level. Peer pressure implies pressure to do something within a group of peers, to fit in or seem cool. Literally the only other person that was doing the murder was Billy, and that's not enough to be considered "peer pressure". It also doesn't make sense with the Stu we see mere minutes before, who is giggling all throught the kitchen scene and even says that "it was fun". Lastly, the sentence is humourous because there is a tendency to blame every bad act teenagers commit on peer pressure. Stu jokes constantly throught the movie, and even in his blood loss-ed state he was just doing that, making a stupid joke.) Many people seem to take this statement to mean that Billy pressured him into doing the murders, and while that's impossible to confirm or deny based on the little screen time Stu has in the movie, based on the fact thet the statement to me is a joke, I personaly don't think that's the case.

Ok, so that leaves us to the actual motives. So if Billy only gives his motive for killing Maureen, denys movies as a reason, and Stu only makes a joke about it, then why the fuck did they do it?

This is the point where I have to say that I think that, in the writing room, they don't have any. The same way as the writers never decided who did each kill, I don't think they really thought about why the boys did their murder spree, at least conciously. However, I think that autorial intent is not the end all be all, and speculating about fictional characters is fun, so I will be doing it either way.

Let's start with Stu, because I think that his reasons are less complicated. He's the one that I'm the most sure did not have a written reason, mostly because he is not as vital to the story (I'm so sorry for saying this he is literally my favorite character but it is what it is). I think that his "motive" is an aglomeration of different things, the main two being his "crazyness"(not actual crazyness as it is more of a legal term that he probably wouldn't apply for but you get what I mean) and his clear infatuation with Billy.

The first is probably the one with more intent behind it, seeing as the Stu we see in the movie acts in ways that support it (he is a serial killer after all). From the start of the movie we see how insensitive he is about Casey and Steve's killings, making a joke about it ("better liver alone!"). At that point in the movie we know nothing about the character, but that moment does come off as very suspicious even on a first watch, that being the joke of the scene. As we move forward we have the scene at the video store, the obvious scene that spells out who the killers are if you're open to the fact that there's two of them, in which we see how he enjoys messing with Randy, smiling and tugging at his earlobe. This is echoed later in the kitchen scene, in which he seems almost unbelivably happy. He plans to kill two of his friends and his girlfriend, acting compleatly normal towards them before the fact. Going back to the start of the movie, Casey and Steve's murders were very sadistic, both on the prelude (the calls and the "game") and the actual act, both of them being gutted. He also shows no remorse for any of it in the end of the movie, only being worried that his parents are gonna be mad. All of this to say that, even if sometimes the fandom likes to ignore it, he is a huge sadist, and that is most likely the main reason why he did the murders. In Casey's murder he also had the fact that she broke up with him, something he lied about, so we can deduce that the situation hurt his ego. The disproportionate reaction to it (murder) just comes to show how little regard he has for other people.

The second part of that I don't think was intentional. If I'm not mistaken Kevin Williamson spoke about it on an interview, stating that he, as a gay man, mostly subconciously put the queer subtext on Billy and Stu's relationship. However, subcouncious or not, it is in the movie (I actually want to make another stupidly long meta post about it), and it's what makes Stu as a character make sense to me. Whatever you think about what their dynamic is like, what is obvious is that this, the murders, are mostly for Billy. It is Billy who has the "motive", it is Billy's girlfriend they are tormenting, and it is Billy who moves the plot forward when he feels like it. All the while Stu seems more than happy to comply, going behind Randy at the video store, trapping Sid at the end of act three, giving Billy the knife whith a bow, going behind him and looking at him. I think that no matter what happened Stu would've become a killer later on, because as I've established he is a sadist, but the reason why he is doing this murders specifically is because of Billy.

Which leads me to Billy. What was going on with him? Honestly, I'm not compleately sure. To him, what happened with Maureen and the '96 spree are inextrincably linked, but I think everyone can see that there's actually not a real connection. Sid is not her mother, so Billy has no "logical" reason to torture her. My guess is a mix of jealousy, hatred/annoyance toward her and the others, the feeling of control, and well, sadisim. The jealousy aspect is pretty straightfoward: in his mind, it is her mother's fault that his mother left, so it is unfair that he has to be without her while she gets to have a mother. Seeing as he's he boyfriend he probably has to see that all the time too, and he most likely can't handle that (we see in the third act that he doesn't handle things not going his way very well). That leads to the control aspect: we have no way of knowing how he was before his mother left, but from what we see, I think that the murders were his way of taking back control after his mom left. He says in the movie that movies don't make psychos, that they make psychos more creative, and I think that the way it translates is in how he decided to take that control back. Of all of the things he could've done, he cose to make "a movie", except in real life. With acts and plot beats, and even a twist. Just murder probably wasn't enough for him, he needed to make something out of it, and what better victim than Sidney, Maureen's daughter. He seems to relish on the fact that he is the one in control of her situation ("you can't pick your genre"). Also, unlike Stu, he seems to actively dislike the friend group he's in, having a sort of disgusted face in the fountain scene, and clearly having a bad relationship with Tatum. He was most likely looking forward to getting rid of them, and exiting the situation as a survivor. Then there's also the thing that killing people definitely turns him on. I've seen a lot of people joke about the "I was watching The Exorcist and it made me think of you" line, making fun of the weird sentiment that watching "The Exorcist" might turn him on, and while I won't deny the jokes are funny, what some people seem to miss is that well, he wasn't watching The Exorcist. He was killing Casey and Steve with Stu. To me it's telling that both times we see him make out/have sex with Sid it's after it's implied he has just killed someone, first Casey/Steve and then Tatum (there's debate about who killed her, but I think that it being Billy just makes more sense time wise and also I don't know how else to explain the eyebrow bounce when he gets to the party). I think that this is something that defilitely affected his motive, and in real life many killers just got off on it (I also want to expand on this in a Stuilly post because there's Implications).

I also think that something else to be taken into account is that these are two white rich teenage boys. The way that they did it has a very strong entitlement air to it. They definitely think that they can get away with anything.

Both Kevin Williamson and Neve Capmbell have talked about their queer implications and how that might've affected their motive, and while I do want to touch on it in my incoming Stuilly Post, I don't think it was as relevant as some might think, or at least not in the way most people think.

In conclusion, Stu did it cause he's crazy and gay and Billy did it cause he's both a control freak and a freak. :)

If you have any thoughts about this PLEASE share them I really want to talk about it (as you can see)

I just wrote two thousand words about this please send help

[coffeeadict61]

Humans Are Weird: Auditory Processing Disorder

Report # 306

Topic: Auditory Processing Disorder

APD: disorder of the auditory (hearing) system that causes a disruption in the way that an individual's brain understands what they are hearing.

Four days ago I was doing my monthly meeting with the electrical department, receiving updates on our monthly usage, needed parts, and checking up on general morale. (The transcript of that meeting is already turned in.) After the meeting we had refreshments and I discovered Lucy (previously mentioned in report #286) pouting in a corner. I inquired what was bothering her. She said, "The ship's head medic just diagnosed me with APD but he wasn't trained to treat it." I asked for further information on the condition. She listed several of her personal symptoms. "It means I don't always catch what people say. It feels like my brain doesn't want to listen. In one ear and out the other making me look stupid to however I talk to. It's connected to my misophonia, and the fact I was born really premature."

I was unsure how to comfort her so I made no effort. This seemed to work for Lucy kept speaking.

"And what's worse is there's nothing I can do! We don't have a speech therapist aboard or even any research materials! Its starting to affect my work performance. On top of decoding, hypersensitivity, and prosodic problems, I have integration issues which mean its really hard for me to focus on what people are saying when I'm doing something. Which freaking sucks when you're part of a team!" I had no clue what she was really talking about but gave her a hug (human gesture of enveloping one in your arms as a sign of comfort or safety), and she apologized for "venting" to me.

She then spoke on how her crew mates just thought she was "slow" or wasn't good at her job. They questioned if she was capable because she would follow directions incorrectly and she was worried she'd be replaced with someone "less problematic". I tried to assure her that I would help anyway I could on her behalf. Never again will I doubt a human's sincerity.

After some of my own personal research I have made a list of the different types and their definitions for your education on the subject:

Hypersensitivity – Hypersensitivity to sound is often diagnosed as misophonia or hyperacusis. Misophonia is when people have adverse physical reactions to sounds, such as becoming nauseated by the sound of chewing or slurping. Hyperacusis, on the other hand, is characterized by a sensitivity to sounds. For some, this means that white noise can be deafening, even causing physical pain.

Decoding – Decoding difficulties involve a lack of figuring out words that are spoken. They hear the sounds, but their brains do not process them as words.

Integration – Integration applies to those who struggle to do multiple things while listening. Such multi-tasking may be writing notes and listening, or having conversations while typing an email.

Prosodic – Prosodic refers to people who have trouble with tone, inflection, and implied meaning. A question and exclamation are processed identically in their brains. Their speech is also often monotone.

Organizational – Finally, organizational, or output, is often characterized by not recalling information in a specific order or having difficulty with noisy situations.

Honestly, Humans are so diverse and unpredictable. To think that different "problems" or " abnormalities " within their mind or body can lead to even more similar issues astounds me. They are so intricate in a way my species has never been. Despite the struggles that their disorders, and conditions being, I think it's strangely beautiful. Maybe that's just me, but I have a new appreciation for them.

I am requesting the presence of a speech therapist, whether physically or digitally, to be readily available to our crew. We must also add APD onto our medics research requirements. It is not an overly complicated subject to be fluent in. I also request that Lucy's diagnoses be added to her list of wrongful termination along with her gender, age, and race. No one should feel their position is at risk because of a disorder or disability. I also request that a written copy of daily instruction be printed for her if necessary. She is one of our best electricians and I mean to keep her employed here as long as she wants.

Human Observer #5743

[aihoshiino]

chapter 143 thoughts!

remember when tokyo blade was the longest most drawn out arc of oshi no ko. remember when that was our metric. i want to go back to those blissfully innocent days.

This chapter falls in line with a lot of other chunks of the Movie Arc where as a standalone tidbit of the story there are things about it that I like but taken in the greater context of everything around it, I have decidedly more mixed feelings on it. This is very much "chapter 123… 2!" with all that statement implies. If you liked 123, this will probably be like crack cocaine for you but if you were hoping for a more concrete resolution to what's going on with Aqua and Ruby then you're probably in the same boat as me in terms of coming away feeling frustrated.

Lacking resolution aside, I did really like a lot of what we got in this chapter, both in terms of the twins' relationship and as individual characterisation for them both. Immediately what stood out to me was Aqua's avoidant response to… well, basically everything Ruby says up to a point. It's funny to remember that he was the one who called Ai out on avoiding important conversations and yet here he is doing the very same thing. Like mother like son, huh?

Ruby's first line is also interesting. It definitely makes sense for her to fear a separation from Gorou given that it's basically happened twice now, but her specific fear that if she doesn't affirm his existence it will simply vanish implies a certain lack of security in his presence that I think is very interesting. We haven't really gotten enough time in Ruby's head for me to really dig into what that means for her, but I'm putting a pin in it nonetheless.

Aqua's response here also lines up with my prediction last chapter that we were heading for a rejection. Even if indirectly, he spends most of this chapter trying to turn Ruby away and shut her down without actually addressing her proposition, which I really don't blame him for lmao. Free my boy. Even when he does finally give Ruby an inch, so to speak, and start playacting as Gorou, it doesn't feel at all like a sincere moment of self expression. He's indulging her with a facsimile of their old dynamic, sure, but the actual words he's saying aren't particularly encouraging.

Of course, that's not how Ruby sees things. Or rather… That's not how Sarina sees things. She spends more or less this entire chapter with no stars in her eyes whatsoever. This makes a very interesting contrast with Aqua who, even in the moments that he identifies most strongly with his past self, never loses his stars. In this chapter, "Gorou Amamiya" is never anything more than an act for him but Ruby seems to have entirely returned to being Sarina, at least in this space.

Aqua snarks about her mental age not changing and I think this is truer then you might assume - I do think Ruby goes through a bit of a regression in this chapter and I mean this in an entirely value neutral sense. If you've ever returned to a place or people that defined a certain period of your life, it's very easy to find yourself slipping back into the mindset and behaviours that characterized you at that time. The quickest and easiest example of this is probably a person who lives on their own going back to their childhood home to spend the holidays with their siblings and parents. For better or worse, a return to old dynamics means a return to that old headspace - and that's just for regular people without any reincarnation baggage in the mix.

Ruby's experiences as Sarina have always been extremely foundational to her as a person and at least as of the private audition, she is characterized as seeing herself equally as both girls. So in a situation like this where she's finally getting to see and talk to Gorou again, it makes sense for "Sarina" to have taken the lead here.

As I've talked about before, this difference in how they individually view their reincarnation and how it affects their sense of self is always something that's had the potential to cause friction between the twins and we see it here, I think. The two of them aren't quite on the same page.

That said, this is a sweet conversation. It touches on the unique position the twins are in to give each other closure in a way nobody else really can. That said, it does feel really weird that this talk just… never happened before? I guess you could argue that this is a make or break point for their relationship and it took them being really pushed to have this honest of a talk but even then, I can't think of any real reason it didn't come sooner other than "the author didn't want it to happen yet".

i do have to ask though. where did aqua get those glasses. has he been wearing contacts this entire series and we never knew??

The question of to what degree the twins should be considered the people they were before their reincarnation has been a pretty consistent subject of debate in the fandom, particularly as pertains to Aqua. Wherever you stand on the issue though, I think Aqua is right when he says the Gorou Sarina wants him to be is a person who no longer exists. Too much time has passed and way too much has happened. Even removing reincarnation from the equation, there's not a person on this earth who's the exact same as they were 20 years ago. Living changes you just as much as dying does. Even if some intrinsic, unchanging core still exists, his experiences as Aqua Hoshino have changed him way too much for the "Gorou Amamiya" Ruby wants to see to be anything more than a performance.

more absolutely goated expression work from Mengo, btw: that wonky, rueful smile when Aqua first takes off Gorou's glasses. Sooooo good.

It's also just so so good to finally get some insight into what's going on with Aqua after he's been out of focus for so long. It's also really fantastic to finally see him let his walls down a bit and admit to some of the turmoil rolling around in his head. I think this is part of why we see him slip back into a single white hoshigan here; while the stuff he's saying here is concerning, it's honest. Possibly the most honest Aqua has been for a good long while and him finally letting himself be vulnerable with someone he trusts could be a really good positive step for him.

I say could be because… well, I don't think Ruby quite has a handle on how to help Aqua here. She's not even thinking of helping Aqua after all; she addresses him (in the Japanese text) as 'sensei' over and over to an almost excessive degree. Not only that but her responses to him are a little…

The core of this talk between Aqua and Ruby is the idea that Gorou-as-Aqua has changed in a way that leaves him unable to perform the role he once played in her life, while Ruby argues that nothing has changed. And like… to a degree, both of them are right and wrong. Gorou's core values are something Aqua inherited from him and they continue to drive him. But it simply isn't true that nothing has changed. Like I said up above: twenty entire years of living changes a person even before you factor in the trauma of Ai's death and everything Aqua has done to himself and other people in the name of avenging her. But this is something Ruby is unwilling or unable to see.

More great paneling work from Mengo: When Sarina hesitantly asks if 'Sensei' likes her, there is a very pointed beat panel of Aqua's face with his eyes hidden before he pops the Gorou act back on and goes 'uhhh yeah sure'. Once again, we see 'Gorou Amamiya' as avoidance and insincerity at least in the context of this chapter. It's an act Aqua is half-heartedly putting on but to Ruby-as-Sarina, this is the miracle of their reunion happening again before her eyes. And if they're 'Gorou' and 'Sarina' right now, what happens next shouldn't be a surprise.

And… this is the part of the chapter where I stop having nice things to say. Because believe it or not, I don't mind the kiss and I think in the context of this chapter, it makes a lot of sense and it helps to have had the story finally, explicitly lay down that this is 'Sarina' pursuing 'Gorou', at least from Ruby's POV. I also really liked the framing; that clashing of tones returns again, with the double spread shoujo looking kiss ruined by Aqua's pin-eyed look of alarm and dismay. This is the moment of tension breaking transgression the series has been building up to for over 140 chapters…

And we immediately cut away from addressing it. For at least one more week. I'm going to be really honest… this fucking infuriated me! It feels like an implicit admission that this is going to be needlessly dragged out even longer even though we finally had the perfect opportunity to properly address and solidify what is even going on with Aqua and Ruby right now. It feels like cynical reaction bait. It feels like a roided up version of 123 - throwing AquRuby shippers scraps so they'll keep reading while also avoiding undeniably canonizing an incest ship to not scare off the wider audience. My man has created the Schroedinger's Cat of incest. Is the guy in the box nailing his sister or not? Well gosh, you'd better tune in next week and maybe you'll find out!!!!

In short, the lack of resolution just sucks and the fact that it really seems like we're just leaving things there and moving on to something else makes me want to scream. The Movie Arc has been such an unfocused mess for so many chapters now and this really just takes the cake. Like… remember when this was supposed to be about Ai? Remember when this was supposed to be about finally digging into her past and her private life? If half the stuff in the script is just made up then why am I even supposed to get invested in what's going on in the movie in the first place?

At this point, I just desperately want this arc to be done so we can move on. Say what you will about Tokyo Blade's pacing, but at least that was focused and cohered with itself on a week to week basis. The Movie Arc by contrast feels so far removed from any of the ideas we started with that I have no clue what to expect or anticipate from it going forwards or if I should even bother to try.

[platoniccereal]

some notes on the wanderer/scaramouche's characterisation~

i first and foremost made this for myself since every time i touched upon the wanderer's speech something felt amiss. but i also hope these notes may be of help to any content creator in their characterisation of our favourite an-emo boy!

while writing these notes i went through phrases scaramouche/the wanderer utters to establish his choice of words and thoughts that may be hidden behind them! i also provided utterances themselves for almost every point i made so that his speech can be copied easier. besides, i tried to guess how this can be utilised in our head canons! :)

please keep in mind that these are still my notes of something that stood out to me, not absolutely everything. additionally, i still may misinterpret something + our interpretation may be different + you can see something as a stretch. that's ok! also, i listened to the english va + i speak of the balladeer and the wanderer as Two Different hypostases of a character, not the same continuous character.

hope you find it helpful!

INVERSION OF GENESIS.

★ when the balladeer/the wanderer is angry, he rarely raises his voice. he starts to whisper and even speak softer instead (it's about the english voice, but afaik it's also true for other voices, too). when he wants an emphasis on certain words, he whispers, too. this isn't true for battles, though, as he is very loud in his wanderer and shouki no kami hypostases.

★ his usual sarcastic structure is to state something he'd expect and then illustrate that someone is acting against it (as in, stupid). e.g. «ah, so if it were up to you, you'd finish the job? guess i had you all wrong. there i was thinking you were just getting cold feet,» «it's not every day you see people questioning the god of wisdom's judgment. just when you think you've seen it all.»

★ when he wants to threaten a person or make them do something, he isn't necessarily uses imperative sentences. he uses «i'd like you to» in «in return, i'd like you to answer a question for me» and still gets what he asks for. other examples are his «so why don't you relax your guard a little?» «let's cut each other a little slack, shall we?» and «so maybe you should think about backing off a little.»

as illustrated, instead of describing painful consequences, he undermines them instead. («a little» is his favourite word, it seems.) as evident later, it is coupled with his, err, laid back attitude towards threats to him. basically, he just lets people act stupid and walk into his traps.

from what we've seen from dottore, he also uses the same structure: «i suggest you keep your true feelings to yourself.» maybe, he was the one scaramouche copied.

★ overall, his sarcasm is what you'd usually see from people. it should be kept in mind that sarcasm is his initial response and he will use it as often as possible even if he could simply explain. there won't be any examples here, though, as there would be too many. but his conversations with nahida, paimon and signora illustrate it well. i believe sarcasm is his way to assert power since it builds on «common knowledge + the inversion of that» hence implying the opponent doesn't have this common knowledge -> they are stupid, he is not.

★ he is extremely professional and focused on completing the task successfully. he knows how operations (which the traveller suggests he was assigned when he was the harbinger) are carried out and follows the strict algorithm. e.g. «(to nahida) we will now proceed to the heart of irminsul», «permission to begin searching for information?»

he isn't easily swayed when he works and tries to get this attitude out of the traveller and paimon, too, just asking them not to fall behind.

★ he follows the agreement with nahida: how they will walk into the irminsul and what his tasks will be. he completes them without any chatter and keeps nahida updated as he should. even after the revelation about the tatarasuna's history, he still is able to proceed with his task.

★ «you can't have your prisoner knowing too much,» «i understand that prisoners have to put up with harassment from the guards,» it may be a stretch, but from these sentences + how he talks about his relationships with the fatui i can conclude that he easily justifies abuse towards himself. the balladeer/the wanderer isn't the person who just lets people do that, but whenever abuse happens, he easily explains it by the natural order of things and weaklings suffering from the strong ones because they deserve it. hence, whenever he ends up being the weak one, he believes he deserves this abuse. this can seep through into in his further interactions with people who care about him should any fight occur.

★ «sometimes it's you using them, other times it's them using you.» it comes in a direct parallel to niwa's words about dottore's attitude towards kabukimono: people of tararasuna didn't want to use him, hence it's the doctor who altered scaramouche's perception of human relationships. the balladeer/the wanderer believes in mutual gain and uses it to: 1) get what he wants from the traveller, 2) pay back for nahida and the traveller's help.

thus, it's safe to conclude he uses this principle as a moral compass in every social interaction he comes across. he could use this law to navigate his personal life instead of his emotions.

★ «most of human relationships are this way… certainly the stable ones are.» it is easier for him to predict when he stops being valuable to someone and toss other people out when they are not useful to him, so there is no sudden abandonment. it is easy to see how it corresponds with his trauma. this principle gives him the illusion of control since he can calculate everything, and gaining control over situations that may lead to the repeated trauma is a response real abuse survivors have. hence, it's safe to conclude the wanderer will try to find what other person gains in his more sincere relationships and, what's worse, may use other people who care about him out of habit since it's a natural order for him.

★ even though he earned the reputation of someone who doesn't bite his tongue when he should he doesn't backtalk or lie when it isn't beneficial to him.

★ he admits to managing «cordial conversations», so while the wanderer may avoid participating in small talks at all, it isn't unreal to picture him having one and not imploding. this is also something confirmed by his first appearance in the unreconciled stars event where he handles a friendly conversation perfectly - so the friendliness is just something he knows (and studied intently as kabukimono) but ignores on purpose. social skills are there.

★ the balladeer and possibly the wanderer, too, is sadistic in a classical sense of the word. he admits to enjoying stomping on the pests, meaning bringing pain and destruction to people. this can also be confirmed by one of the husk of the opulent dream's pieces. there, it is stated that «he also loved watching expressions of terror and helplessness play across human faces, and it was perhaps precisely because of this imbecilic underling's expressiveness that he had kept them around.» as the balladeer, he let some of his subordinates stay not because of their usefulness, but because they were funny to abuse. (also. hot.)

thus, it can be possible that in a less hostile environment of the akademiya the wanderer can struggle with this side of himself, hurting people on purpose. this can also become something he has to fight in relationships with people he cares about.

★ before his memories are restored the wanderer is polite and reserved. he apologises, calls his boss properly and tries to do his part. we can notice the similar behaviour of the balladeer but weaponised to imitate friendliness (e.g. unreconciled stars). there isn't any features of a classical shy character, he doesn't stutter or use abrupt phrases.

★ «i ran into him out in the wilderness during the storm, and he let me take shelter in his cart. in return, i said i'd be his helper for a while.» even before he gets his memories back and remembers principles the fatui likely taught him, the wanderer navigates his relationships with others through understanding what he gets and what he must give in return.

it is clear that he spent some time in the shop already and made enough work to make the merchant uncomfortable for exploiting him. thus, the «for a while part» isn't quite true. the wanderer has nowhere to go so he has every intention to pay back more than he needs to, to just stay somewhere.

hence, he can continue using this principle in his relationships with others, creating a conflict where he is dead set on paying back with little to no regard for his own feelings.

★ «i don't deserve your protection.» it seems that even before he restores his memories and is only told about his sins, the wanderer already despises himself enough to reject help. this attitude may exist later, when the wanderer restored his memories, with an added «i'm not that weak» but this is only my speculation.

however, this phrase may be another example of him carefully weighing what others give to him and what he should return.

★ «(uttered by the jester) what you are, truly, is a weapon, one that can be wielded with an iron will…» to further ingrain the thought that the balladeer is a tool, not a person, the jester proposes the idea of seeing himself as a weapon to kunikuzushi. coupled with dottore saying someone will eventually use kabukimono, it seems this was the strategy that was used to keep the balladeer in the harbinger ranks.

thus, we can see that the balladeer continued to suffer abuse due to 1) his beliefs in the strong dominating the weak, 2) his illusions that he is a person shattered by events of tararasuna, hence he perceives himself as an object, a weapon that must endure. the latter is a bit of a speculation but i don't think it is far off the mark:

★ «now that i've had a taste of just about every flavour in this world, i've found that actually… bitterness is the one i like best,» and the whole bitterness discussion in the teapot are the example of him pushing himself to his limits in order to being able to handle the true bitterness of life. (also, it lies in a nice parallel with ei/shogun's «illusions shattered» thing, but i diverge.)

★ «(uttered by the jester) or, you could continue to drift aimlessly.» another tactic fatui used to win kabukimono over was his obvious lack of any goals and place to go. we can see that the wanderer finds himself in a similar position, staying with the merchant because he had nowhere to go. long time ago, the balladeer stayed for these very reasons with much, much more dangerous people than a common merchant.

★ «i'm harsh on myself and everybody else.» while the former comes from the low self-esteem and believing himself to be weak, the wanderer also won't be patient with anyone's blunders. i suspect especially if it's about someone in his charge or if it's about work. i also suspect that an easy way to get on his good-ish side is to act this way as well and not let any mistakes slide.

★ «utility to others is what makes me worth.» as soon as his memories were implemented into him, he is reverted back to his harsh principles ingrained into him by the fatui. it seems there isn't any other tool he could use to measure his worth. the base principle that any life is worth something does not exist for someone who didn't see himself as an alive being for several past centuries.

hence, it can lead to reckless behaviour driving him to his limits which will cause stress to someone who cares about him.

★ «oh right… i almost forgot. you're the good guys. you're into justice and all that.» this is his answer to the traveller trying to argue with how the wanderer sees his own worth. i believe there's some division between what he thinks good guys deserve/what the wanderer himself deserves. thus, while it is possible he will agree that life's worth is life itself after some long argument, he still won't apply this to himself. i believe it's a somewhat common coping mechanism to think «people don't deserve X, but i deserve X.» (i'm not talking about his crimes, btw.)

★ «no nonsense. i like it.» he approves when the traveller doesn't argue with the «let them stab the blades into my chest if they so desire. maybe that's how it always should have been.» while the wanderer might need support in his life and changing his self-destructive perspective might be of great help to him, it seems he still wouldn't appreciate a direct approach to that.

VOICE LINES.

★ one of the most consistent features of the wanderer is despising the idle chatter, as evident in this idle voice line, «it's rather pathetic to force a conversation just to occupy silence.» another example is the husk of opulent dream's description: «the youth, hating chatty humans the most, gave his subordinate a backhand slap.»

so, the balladeer/the wanderer despises small talk even if he can participate in one. he would likely appreciate people who are just focused on the task and don't say anything that isn't related to their common goal at the moment. perhaps, it can be used to form a wordless bond between him and people who hang out with him.

it seems that he is quite harsh in his criteria for the idle chatter since his subordinate asks quite a normal question of where the harbinger is heading next.

★ looking through every voice line about other people, it can be argued that the wanderer's initial algorithm to describe someone is to trash them. but i believe we should also remember most of his voice lines are about the harbingers, and he's never had particularly warm feelings towards his colleagues. other four are yae miko and raiden shogun, and he isn't fond of them both, and kazuha and nahida. last two are the only people he doesn't despise, and these voice lines are pretty tame, while not an open praise.

★ «i have no need for food. save me the trouble and take care of yourself and that small thing floating next to you.» this can be perceived both as him not wanting the traveller getting in his way like the balladeer's subordinates, or genuine, poorly expressed care. thus, the wanderer may say dubious phrases with that intention whenever he expresses his care.

★ «so, you're still stewing over our run-ins from before? huh. well, what are you going to do about it? take your time. i'm in no hurry.» the wanderer's attitude to threats is quite unique. other examples of that are his lines from the trailer, where he answers «sure i will» and «i look forward to that» to the threat that he will pay for his attitude. also, «fine by me – come one, come all, i say. as a matter of fact, i'm somewhat looking forward to it.»

basically, you can read his behaviour as «you can be stupid enough trying to attack me, and i won't stop humans from being stupid, and the outcome is their fault.» it's basically all over his trailer where he waits until the fatui attack first.

★ when it comes to answering for his sins, though, i would rather see it as accepting his punishment. it is also evident in his falling voice line, «the price for my sins.»

★ «the gods aren't guided by any kind of rationality or moral compass. haven't i shown that to you already?» i believe he doesn't mean ei or nahida here, two archons he is connected with, because he didn't show us anything in regard to them. (we dealt with problems with them ourselves) what he might mean is shouki no kami. this also may be evident in his battle ost and, «(about his actions) after all, gods have never been needed to be reasonable.» so this phrase may indicate irony he feels regarding his actions as an archon.

★ overall, it seems that he's rather profiling everybody for us rather than giving his pure opinion.

★ «anger, whether it be from others or myself, is too convenient and useful as a tool.» while the balladeer went as far as becoming a god only to become emotionless, he now learns an actually legitimate way to deal with anger. the first step to do it is to learn that anger is a normal emotion and how to channel it instead. thus, he can also learn this about other emotions and that each one of them is ok. knowing he uses the utility of everything as a compass, the utility of emotions may be something that will help him accept them.

★ «don't you know that's only asking for trouble?» coupled with the phrase from his birthday letter, «has she ever stopped to think about what an «experience» it is for others to meet me?» it is apparent that while behaving highly unsociable due to detest for idle chatter, he also wants to shelter others from his presence since he believes it is nothing pleasant. i believe he also thinks it will only bring suffering in the end – to them.

★ «it's not so much that i have nothing to say… i just have nothing fun or positive to share,» explains another reason he avoids conversations – he just doesn't believe himself to be someone people would usually have as an opponent.

★ «if you don't mind, perhaps… we could sit here together for a while,» coupled with «the scenery here should be quite breathtaking» from his birthday voice line lets me think that his favourite quality time with others is to peacefully enjoy some scenery (he truly is a cat who just likes to be in someone's presence).

★ «are you so dumb as to have forgotten that i'm not human?» this is a less useful observation but i find it rather funny that he is annoyed not by the fact that the traveller may try to poison him but by the fact that they chose an ineffective method. if we wanna extract something useful, though, it can be said that if the traveller tries to kill him and fairly wins, he is ok with that as he is the weak one in this situation. but that's quite a stretch.

★ «i can see the great deal of effort you put forth,» «thank you for trying to look out for me. go get some rest,» and «it's generous of you to host me in your home. the least i could do is be grateful,» show pretty clearly that even after the wanderer restored his memories he is still able to express gratitude without exploding, and i don't believe he finds it useful to be mean when it isn't of any need.

★ «hey, you own this place. what are you so nervous about? it's not a good look,» coupled with «look at me, coming around here, criticizing your lifestyle choices.» everybody noticed how nice the wanderer is in the serenitea pot (as shown in the previous point). but this also reveals that while he enjoys being painfully straightforward and kept people around just because they suffered prettily, he doesn't enjoy when at least the traveller doesn't put up any fight. maybe it's about the subordinate/the equal difference. basically, he seems to respect people with strong personal boundaries. the ones who don't try to justify their own home where he is just a guest, at least. that would be logical since it's evident he navigates his life through «weak/strong» division.

★ «this is your home. arrange it as you wish,» this and previous voice lines illustrate once again that he isn't unnecessarily mean, at least not all the time. he understands the dynamics of a place he is in and how to be a grateful guest instead of shitting on every player's choice.

★ «the fact that things didn't work out doesn't make my past self a fool for hoping in vain that they would, does it?» and «you're a god. do you think i'm evil?» depending on whether we see the former as rhetoric or not, this may show that even though he is quite old, he still looks for guidance whenever it comes to more vulnerable topics. he looks for this guidance in people he respects, such as the traveller and nahida. and at least with nahida, he listens intently because the answer truly matters to him. maybe, if there wasn't any mechanic restrictions, he would listen to the traveller, too.

PRE-IOG SCENES.

★ «for just a small price, they get the feeling of controlling the world. trading their life for supreme power… pretty good deal, don't you think?» there isn't much to analyse as the utterance is pretty clear, but i just find it funny because this is what he ended up doing with shouki no kami. so either he fell into the same trap or he truly believed in what he said then and wasn't just mocking teppei.

★ «[haypasia] peered into my consciousness and saw my past. someone like that is qualified to become my first follower.» while this qualifies haypasia as a follower, having one also qualifies him as a god. but this can be perceived differently. haypasia saw his past and stayed devoted and didn't leave her god. it is my speculation, but this may be something scaramouche is after - this is a twisted form of acceptance. as the wanderer, he still may harbour such desire to be seen and accepted, leading him into healthy relationships or unhealthy obsessions. still, the whole haypasia sequence demonstrates that scaramouche is still a loyal individual, he just didn't have anyone to grant this loyalty.

★ on the same note, it should be said that scaramouche openly admits and expresses affection to haypasia. a mortal, a feeble human, mind you. because, of course, she is his first and only follower. thus, he can show such feelings honestly and without shying away if he deems it necessary, which might be useful for creating his future bonds with other people and maybe he will be much more open with them than we'd initially thought.

★ «has anyone ever told you that you're not good at sowing discord?» and «you're still too naive if you think a few words will be enough to convince me to destroy the doctor,» imply that before the revelation in 3.3, scaramouche wouldn't let just anyone get him on bad terms with the doctor and manipulate him into that no matter how much abuse by dottore he endured. no matter how bad his relationships with his colleges are, he will handle them himself. this is a note purely for me and my future writing of the wanderer, but it seems that even after 3.3 getting him out of the dottore's mental grasp will be a demanding task.

SMALLER DETAILS.

★ his idle emotion and his character picture are him smiling, so it isn't unusual for the wanderer to do it and even more natural - maybe, at least when he is alone.

★ whenever the wanderer finishes the task, he prefers to shortly say «done» without any chatter.

★ when it comes to speech, he doesn't divide his sentences much and uses compound, very complex ones freely. whenever he needs to explain something, if it isn't something he deems stupid, he does it fully and doesn't hold back.

★ scaramouche always calls nahida buer, perhaps as the way to show himself being above «demon gods», while the wanderer calls her lesser lord kusanali, which sounds more respectful as it is her title.

★ overall, i think the approach hoyo use for their characters is choosing one main characteristic (if you think about any character, you can remember One main thing about them) and then building their interactions around situations where it feature shows and situations where it is an exception and they act against it.

if we focus only on one type of these situations, we mischaracterise the character. thus, if we choose, say, the wanderer being mean as his main feature and focus on it, we miss out on times where it isn't true. for example, his respect for the traveller's realm or his desire to help others in a parade of providence. if we focus only on nice exceptions like that, we mischaracterise him as well.

updates:

★ now that we have both the second birthday story and his tcg lines, it appears to the wanderer is no stranger to doing something just to make someone happy. and then say it was only because he's got nothing to do. e.g., reading books someone recommended to him, «some vahumana students were trying to push some book recommendations onto me. i don't have anything else to do, so i'm just idly flipping through them» or playing a duel because he thinks it makes the traveler happy, «can a game like this really make you so happy? childish... if you want to play, then be quick about it,» «all smiles after winning a game like this? ha, so easy to satisfy,» «and the boring game is finally over... you happy now?»

[lovemyromance]

would you share your thoughts on the whole "image of Gwyn glowed deep" and his chest sparked thing?

Had a conversation with a gwynriel on reddit debate thingy and they kept saying how even if Gwyn is a light singer even then how is she making feel az things? how is she making him smile and stuff when the light singers are known to lure people?

And i honestly just want a good argument (i have problem putting words )

I think if I had read that sentence, and only that sentence and no other ACOTAR book, or even the bonus chapter - then I could understand why people think there is something going on with Gwyn & Azriel.

But as I've said time and time again - that's not how we read books. We don't take two discrete paragraphs and form our conclusions based off that alone. We read things in the context of a greater narrative.

The way Gwynriels are reading is like if a sign said "WARNING: DANGER AHEAD. DO NOT CONTINUE DOWN THIS PATH"

And their only takeaway was ok so we gotta "CONTINUE DOWN THIS PATH".

It's very selective, and worse - it's intentional because even they know what they'll find if they actually read the books like normal people. Gwynriel doesn't fit the greater narrative so they have found a way to ignore canon text in some desperate attempt to make it fit. Square peg, round hole.

They pretend not to understand our arguments or the book because they know it will shatter any disillusions they have about their ship.

The light-singer argument is very easy to understand. In the first book where Gwyn was introduced, we later hear Cassian talk about lightsingers.

They lure people in through their lovely friendly faces. They intentionally target people who feel lost. They have some kind of innate power that makes them able to lure people into their arms.

I'm not saying 100% Gwyn is a lightsinger. But it's a LITTLE odd that both Nesta & Azriel's powers reacted to Gwyn the same way. They both were feeling "lost" and disheartened when they both ... ran into Gwyn.

And again - I don't think Gwyn is evil. I don't think she's intentionally doing it I just think it's in her nature as a lightsinger. Or she's being manipulated by Koschei or something idk.

I think the entire interaction with Gwyn was quite weird at the end of the BC chapter. I don't see it as romantic in any way - I don't think the word "spark" is implying a romantic connection or sign of the mating bond. The word spark has been used before in that context , yes, but not ALWAYS.

The word spark has always been used to show magic or powers - not necessarily mating bonds. I think Azriel picturing Gwyn's smile was more of a hint to the "luring" aspect of things. Like the necklace regifting itself seemed so odd - like a cheap echo of the way he presented it to Elain originally.

I don't know the nuances of how this will play out or even if it will - but I think given the evidence so far it's not entirely unlikely that Gwyn has more powers than anyone realizes.